If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. (Disclosure policy).

My baby doesn’t want me and I’m the MOM!?

Here’s a discussion on what might be going on if your baby doesn’t seem to want to go to their primary caregiver. Is it a normal development process or something to address? And in such a case how?

A lot of parents have contributed their thoughts. 

baby doesn't want me

Mom’s Question:

My baby doesn’t want me. She is 9 months old and really wants nothing to do with me and I am her mom!

She wants her dad and brother and sister but not me. I am a stay at home mom; you would think I would be all that she wants, but that is not the case.

What have I done wrong? I do everything for her all the time. It breaks my heart.


Tips When Independent 9-Month-Old Doesn’t Want Mom

Your little girl is at the age where the world is opening up, she is probably getting mobile and it is wonderful that she has the confidence to go to other people. Many Moms are so relieved to be able to pass their baby onto someone else for a bit of a break so make the most of it!

You are obviously a very dedicated Mother and are the main caregiver for your baby. But remember, she has you all day, and when someone new comes home it is so exciting. Other people have different tones of voice and talk excitedly when they arrive home, and your baby is clearly stimulated by this.

Babies also love other children and are captivated by them. The advantage younger siblings have is the stimulation of older brothers and sisters. Don’t see this as a personal thing about you, you are not in competition for her attention.

As her parent, it is your job to encourage her to learn to relate to many different people. A baby is not here to fill our needs.

Your little girl has obviously got such a lovely start with her Mom that she is keen to relate to others and that is a great thing. It is not good for her to only want attention from you, she needs to learn to relate and learn from all sorts of people.

When you do have time alone with her, then play games with her, like peek-a-boo, nursery rhymes, clapping games, etc. You can find tips on games to play with a 9-month-old here.

Moms are often busy with the day to day chores of parenting and don’t get so much of the fun times. So make sure you make the most of your time alone with her and do your chores when the others are home and can take over watching the baby.

Most of all, just enjoy her, don’t be jealous of her interest in other people, it shows you have given her a great start in life.

All the best,


To help you feel less alone, and deal with your feelings around this, you can check out this thread with parents in a similar situation.

Find comments below.

Comments for “My Baby Doesn’t Want To Go To Me”

Mar 03, 2012 Thanks Paula

by: Anonymous

Thanks, Paula for such wonderful words. I was feeling the same way (in my case, baby smiles and laughs a lot more with his grandparents) and you totally put things in perspective. Thanks for making my day!

Mar 11, 2012 Sad

by: Anonymous

I’m ebf and my 8 week old daughter doesn’t seem to want me when I carry her!!! She wriggles and cries. But when the caretaker carries her she goes to sleep!!! What’s wrong???

May 25, 2012 My 9 months baby doesn’t like me any more

by: Lilly

I went away for work for 15 days, I left my son with his grandmother on return he accepted me for 30 mins and cried reaching out for his grandmother since then, when I come home he is happy to see me for awhile but then he cries for the maid or grand mother and not me. I used to sleep with him in bed now he simply cries if I put him in my bed. I am desolate and hurt. Sometimes I feel like giving up on him and just ignore him although common sense always reigns I am the adult and the mother. I am taking the high road with my son!! humiliating!!

Jul 01, 2012 Rejected by 11month old

by: Anonymous

I feel so bad….I’m a stay at home mom for 11 months now & my 11 month old rejected me and her daddy for a stranger!!!! Is that normal?

Aug 25, 2012 Granny
by: Anonymous
My daughter has a 13-month-old baby girl whom I have cared for once a week for a few hours. They have a wonderful loving relationship and she is a happy baby. Recently I had to take the baby for 6 days due to unavoidable circumstances, and when my daughter arrived at my house the baby clung to me and would have nothing to do with her mother. I had to bath her and get her ready for bed, give her her bottle and read her her story, but she did then allow her mother to settle her in her cot. Next day she was fine with her mother, but still twice during the day she climbed onto my lap and pushed her mother away.
They have now gone on holiday and all is well, but why did the baby react like this? If her father goes away for a few days she is just happy to see him when he comes back, and the same on the couple of occasions when she has stayed with me all day and her mother returned after some hours.

Jan 17, 2013 6 wk old son doesn’t like me (his mother)

by: Anonymous

I am with him most of anyone. I do everything to
Try and make him happy. He just screams in my arms
When he’s with me. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens.
His body stiff cries kicks his legs, etc. I give him to my mom he stops and eats quietly! ???!! I watch her to see if I am doing something wrong, or differently.

And we aren’t. It feels like my own child doesn’t like me

Also, I thought babies were to know their mothers
Voice .. When I speak to him, coo at him he never
Looks in my direction, his eyes are always focused elsewhere.

Sometimes when I’m feeding him he will look on my eyes but never because of my voice.

Mar 29, 2013 i know how u feel

by: Anonymous

I am very hurt to the fact that my 13 months old wants everyone except me…cries for everyone…jumps out of my arms and lap to go to someone else and never wants to let go or be taken away from whomever she is with…could even be total strangers…this is hurtful and embarrassing…her grandmother gets a kick out of this because it makes her feel dominate…her father plays on this and tries to act like he isn’t but I feel he does

We have changed to a new commenting system. Add your comments below or return to Baby Bonding Q&A.

Leave a Reply

This Post Has One Comment

  1. stat at home mum

    my 13 month old son never want me, he wants to go to everybody else , cries if I take him off someone else, ir really is upsetting me .