What if the baby cries with grandma? Here, a sad grandma asked what she is doing wrong since her granddaughter cries when grandma holds her.
Here’s our answer as well as some been-there-done-that comments from other grandparents.
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Grandmom’s Question:
She will smile while mom and dad hold her and I talk to her, but if I make eye contact, my granddaughter puckers up and cries. It breaks my heart.
I babysat last night and she just cried and cried. I think she hates me. I don’t wear heavy perfume, I brush my teeth to be sure my breath is fresh, and I talk softly to her.
Why is she crying when she is with me? What am I doing wrong?
Baby Crying When Seeing Grandma
Your granddaughter does not hate you! Infants are very attached to their parents for a while and they are the only people they want to be with. Often, not even Dad will do! When my son was younger, he would not go to anyone without crying. He would only go to my husband for a few minutes and then he would want to come right back to me.
It may take a little while but your granddaughter will form a great bond with you that will last a lifetime if you just let the process take its time. Don’t give up on her, and don’t think that there is anything wrong with any of you. You don’t mention how old your granddaughter is, but during their first whole year, most babies go through stages of being afraid of a lot of things including everyone else but their mom or dad. It is a natural development and actually good in the sense that it shows that your granddaughter’s mind is developing.
Be patient and approach her gently. Ask her parents to show pictures of you often and maybe record yourself talking or singing a little song that they play often too. Then do not try to take her to your lap or anything like that right now – just continue being around her as much as possible while she is happy and try to approach her just a little bit, all smiling, to slowly start building your bond.
Her reactions are not meant to harm you, so please do not take them personally!
Comments for “Infant Grand Daughter Cries When She Sees Me”
Apr 14, 2011
Beautiful Grandaughter by: Jules
Oh I know how you feel, my granddaughter is doing the same to me goes to her mum, dad, her aunt, uncle and her other grandparents fine, but with me, I can hold her for a few minutes and then she cries and I don’t mean cries she screams with real tears and also stiffens her body and then I feel so bad. As soon as she is in her mum’s arms she settles. I felt so bad that I was prepared to walk away from her just because I felt so bad, but I have decided to go every day to see her hold her for a few minutes, and then hand her back before she cries, it’s hard as I love this little girl to bits. What else can I do?
May 15, 2011
I feel your pain by: Faye
I am going through the same thing with my granddaughter. This is a first for me all babies have always gravitated towards me. I am so glad I decided to google this question because it breaks my heart when I just want to love her ad she cries. We live in the same house, and I try all day I too just keep going back, and when she becomes upset I give her back. It was so cute. Yesterday was my birthday, and she stayed with me for a while. I was so happy.
May 15, 2011
granddaughter cries when I hold her by: Anonymous
Sorry to see others are feeling the same pain. My grandchild is now 2..and they live two states away, so now it’s harder. She never really got over the crying when I held her but like others..I kept it short and sweet, then handed her back as much as I didn’t want to. We try to see them every 3 months or so, and while she warms up to me about day 2, it’s usually the night before we have to leave. I hate that I can not be close to this child who holds my heart, but I guess it is what it is. My best to all other nana’s going through this, and I hope those of you who see your babies often will have wonderful relationships with them.
Aug 29, 2011
granddaughter hates me by: Tammy
OH MY! I am going thru the same thing with my 2-month-old granddaughter. She will go 2 my son & her mama & some others, but she screams, cries & just won’t stop crying when I’m near. It breaks my heart so much to think she doesn’t like me or is scared of me. Is it my smell(bath daily)& a very clean person? I do have a deep voice & am mistaken for a male a lot of the time, is it that? The problem is I watch her while her mama works on 1st shift & the crying is so upsetting for me becoz I hate to see her so upset coz she doesn’t want 2 b with me. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do 2 get her 2 love me? Sad :(
Aug 29, 2011
Granddaughters by: faye
My granddaughter finally warmed up to me when she was three months old…then her mom wanted to go to North Carolina for a visit, and they were gone for a month…it took her about a week to get used to me again after they came back and now she will be moving permanently to NC Sep 9…How long have you been taking care of her. I figured with my granddaughter, it was just that she is used to her mom…she will warm up to you.
Nov 29, 2011
Glad Im Not Alone by: Anonymous
My granddaughter screams until she throws up. She is 3 months old, and I think it has got worse not better. She only lives three houses from me so I have seen her a lot. I have 2 grandsons who love me to bits all I wanted was a little girl, and she seems scared of me it breaks my heart every time she does it . I have noticed that everyone on here is talking about a granddaughter no grandsons is it a girly thing maybe. It saddens me that I can mind her 3 yr old brother but now they have to find someone else to mind her cause she won’t stay with me,I wish there was an answer cause this is killing me.
Nov 29, 2011
She will come aroundby: Faye
She will warm up to you, I promise. I know how hard this is for you; I have had my own daycare and work in daycare centers for the last 15 years, and all babies love me. This is the first time this has every happened to me, and I love her more than anything. Now she will sit with me and not cry, but she does not smile either. As your granddaughter gets older, she will take cues from her brothers and fall in love with grandma. There is no way that we can love them as much as we do and they not feel it. for me, the problem is I have been so used to being babies first option over MoM that I could not understand what was happening. Let’s just continue to keep each other strong.
Apr 07, 2012
feel so bad by: Anonymous
My nearly 5-month-old granddaughter won’t let me hold her, just cries, really cries, sobs, but will let me play with her and laughs and smiles with me when her parents hold her. It is so heartbreaking, it’s like she is scared of me. I love her to bits and have never had this problem with other babies. Don’t know what to do
May 26, 2012
grandaughter still cries when I hold her by: Anonymous
well here we are, nearly at end of May, and she still cries when I hold her, Mum and dad are her only contacts. I am at a loss as to know what to do I feel like crying. My heart is so heavy. any ideas to help please
Jun 17, 2012
My granddaughter is afraid of me by: Anonymous
Oh how I feel your pain. My 4-month-old granddaughter lives about an hour away, but we see her only once every couple of months. Today we had a Father’s Day celebration, and she very quietly sat with all her great aunts and uncles (whom she had never seen before), and then when I held her, she immediately started crying. This is so heartbreaking, as I love her so much. I am hoping that as time passes, and she gets a bit older, she will warm up to me.
Sep 09, 2012
i hate to see my grandson cryby: Anonymous
I have the same problem with my 3-month-old grandson I cherish him he is my first grandchild, and i adore him, I see him a couple of times a week, and he used to smile all the time, and I’ve never known a baby to be so happy and smile all the time but since 2 days ago he had his second set of injections and every time i speak to him or hold him he just cry’s.i have been with him today and also with hes other grandparents and hes other nan and grandad could sit with him with no tears and it just breaks my heart.i really hope he will grow to love me as much as i do him.i wish all you other nannys all the best and hope things get better
Nov 30, 2012
Sad sad grandmother. by: Nanna
I am so glad this is not just happening to me only, I came to spend six months with my daughter and grandson who is now one. When he was a baby he just loved being held by me but now he cries when I try to hold him. He will let me play and tease him and will laugh and smile at me but when his mother is around I do not exist. It breaks my heartso much so I was thinking of taking a flight back home but I know that in time he will come around. I need to be there for him and be patient.
Dec 01, 2012
It does get better.by: Faye
My granddaughter will be 2 in March. I have since moved to the state where she lives. I am so happy she will now spend the night with me, and we hang out during the day. I know how hard it is but as they get older it does get better. A funny note… whenever my granddaughter wanted to leave me I would tell her give me a kiss first…now she uses her kisses to get her way if I am not allowing her to do something she will pucker up then expect me go did what she wants…I think it is so adorable.
Dec 03, 2012
Why am I the only one?by: Anonymous
My granddaughter is seven months old. I have three other grandchildren, all of whom I could hug and hold. I seem to be the only person whom this is happening with. She will look at me and smile and coo, but the minute I try to hold her, she sobs and wants out of my arms. It is breaking my heart. I can only hope that this will pass, but it is very painful in the meantime. It is somewhat reassuring that I am not alone, but I look forward to this changing some day, hopefully soon.
Mar 01, 2013
Crying Granddaughter by: Anonymous
Oh, I am so glad there are others out there having the same problem. I have always been the one babies would go to with no problem at all but my 3 month old grand daughter just screams, crys and sobs when she sees me. I am crying right now knowing there are so many others that go through this, I will continue with my small frequent visits and just go with the flow until she decides she is sure of me.
Mar 06, 2013
almost two years by: Faye
My granddaughter will be two years old next week and finally she stay will me over night. She always wants to get her way but I am so overjoyed that she stays with me i let her have her way. I know i will have to stop doing that soon. When i first started out i did not think she would ever want to be with me. Now she comes to me willingly. It will take time be patient your granddaughter will come around.
Mar 27, 2013
poor baby, poor granny by: Anonymous
My lilhoney biskit is 10 weeks old. She lives with me along with her mom, my daughter. She was fine me before and since last week she cries when sees me or even hears my voice. I used to be her “go-to ” person. I could quiet her even when no one else could. Now she just screams and screams. She even cries real tears. She is my seventh lil biskit and I’ve never had this happen with the others. They all were all over me. They know I love them. What can it be? I don’t want her to be miserable. So I hand her back.I feel so sad :(
Mar 29, 2013
I know what you are feeling.by: Faye
I know how it is, but the only thing you can do is give her time. I had the same problem, and now she is two, and we are so close.
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Paula Dennholt founded Easy Baby Life in 2006 and has been a passionate parenting and pregnancy writer since then. Her parenting approach and writing are based on studies in cognitive-behavioral models and therapy for children and her experience as a mother and stepmother. Life as a parent has convinced her of how crucial it is to put relationships before rules. She strongly believes in positive parenting and a science-based approach.
Paula cooperates with a team of pediatricians who assist in reviewing and writing articles.
My 9 month-old granddaughter won’t let me hold her at all. She just cries hard, the minute I get her. She yanks away from me but she lets me play with her. She laughs and goos with me when her parents hold her. She is scared to death of me. I have never had this problem with my other grandkids, but this one just never seems to warm up at all. Even if I look at her and she thinks I’m gonna get her she clings to her dad or mom. I feel a resistance from her parents as if they are uncomfortable about me holding her now too. It’s so uncomfortable and breaks my heart, that to keep thing’s peaceful when we are together, I’m finding it better not to even try to hold her or make any contact with her. I just keep my distance from her and she is just fine.
Hi my grandson is turning 6 months on the 23th and I am going through the same thing sometime he will smile at me and laugh when I play with him this is my first grandson me and my daughter and my husband are living with my mom and her boyfriend so it is kind of difficult he smiles a lot more when he sees them sometimes I just feel like he doesn’t want anything to with me
It has helped some to know I am not the only grandma to whom this is happening. My five month old grandchild turned on me about two months ago. I don’t get to see her as often as her other grandma does because we live 75 miles away but I try really hard to see her each week. She just screams and stiffens up her body when she sees me. I am so heartbroken I can’t stop crying. I wanted to be a grandma so badly and now this has happened. My son and daughter I law won’t allow me to baby sit because of the child’s distress when I am around. My husband is afraid I am going to say something to them that will cause them to never let us see the baby again. I won’t do that, of course, but I have never been this hurt or felt this devastated.
I don’t know what to do,, I miss my granddaughter so much, she has been put into the care of her aunt, her aunt will not let me see her. I thought for sure I was doing right thing by reporting my concerns to the CAS, but they sure proved me wrong. When I did get my granddaughter for visits, I dreaded the thought of bringing her home, because she would cry and scream when it was time for her to go home, I would drop her off there she would be standing in the door way looking at me crying, I’d leave crying, get home just think what am I doing, I had to take her home, I even called the CAS told them she did not want to go home, I even reported the aunt to CAS. just don’t know, all I know is I miss and love my granddaughter so much
My 3rd grandchild, my grandson who is one month old today, ALWAYS pukes his feeding up with, ONLY me. It breaks my heart too, even more so when,
I found out from his oldest sister, who heard a friend of her moms, (my daughter), say,
“Maybe he senses something about her…”- that made me feel worse. And now, I am doing all I can too love him, but not hold him. I can’t. I don’t want to make him puke again :(
My 9 month-old granddaughter won’t let me hold her at all. She just cries hard, the minute I get her. She yanks away from me but she lets me play with her. She laughs and goos with me when her parents hold her. She is scared to death of me. I have never had this problem with my other grandkids, but this one just never seems to warm up at all. Even if I look at her and she thinks I’m gonna get her she clings to her dad or mom. I feel a resistance from her parents as if they are uncomfortable about me holding her now too. It’s so uncomfortable and breaks my heart, that to keep thing’s peaceful when we are together, I’m finding it better not to even try to hold her or make any contact with her. I just keep my distance from her and she is just fine.
Hi my grandson is turning 6 months on the 23th and I am going through the same thing sometime he will smile at me and laugh when I play with him this is my first grandson me and my daughter and my husband are living with my mom and her boyfriend so it is kind of difficult he smiles a lot more when he sees them sometimes I just feel like he doesn’t want anything to with me
It has helped some to know I am not the only grandma to whom this is happening. My five month old grandchild turned on me about two months ago. I don’t get to see her as often as her other grandma does because we live 75 miles away but I try really hard to see her each week. She just screams and stiffens up her body when she sees me. I am so heartbroken I can’t stop crying. I wanted to be a grandma so badly and now this has happened. My son and daughter I law won’t allow me to baby sit because of the child’s distress when I am around. My husband is afraid I am going to say something to them that will cause them to never let us see the baby again. I won’t do that, of course, but I have never been this hurt or felt this devastated.
I don’t know what to do,, I miss my granddaughter so much, she has been put into the care of her aunt, her aunt will not let me see her. I thought for sure I was doing right thing by reporting my concerns to the CAS, but they sure proved me wrong. When I did get my granddaughter for visits, I dreaded the thought of bringing her home, because she would cry and scream when it was time for her to go home, I would drop her off there she would be standing in the door way looking at me crying, I’d leave crying, get home just think what am I doing, I had to take her home, I even called the CAS told them she did not want to go home, I even reported the aunt to CAS. just don’t know, all I know is I miss and love my granddaughter so much
My 3rd grandchild, my grandson who is one month old today, ALWAYS pukes his feeding up with, ONLY me. It breaks my heart too, even more so when,
I found out from his oldest sister, who heard a friend of her moms, (my daughter), say,
“Maybe he senses something about her…”- that made me feel worse. And now, I am doing all I can too love him, but not hold him. I can’t. I don’t want to make him puke again :(