Mom’s Question:
I think my inlaws enjoy seeing my baby boy’s masculine parts, they put excuses to change the diapers each time we visit them, to bathe him each time they change the diapers, and they claim that I should remove the diapers completely to make it easy for the baby to play.
Is it in a way an abuse?
June
Baby Help Line:
Baby Sexually Abused Or Not?
I would not consider this is abuse. Unless you feel they are getting sexual arousal out of their behavior, which would be unlikely then I would not really be so concerned.
However, if you are uncomfortable with their behavior, then talk it over with your husband, and then talk to them about it. If you are not comfortable with your baby being naked in front of others then that is your choice.
Some families have very different attitudes to body parts, particularly genitals. It may be they are far more liberal than the way you were brought up so you feel uncomfortable they way they draw attention to it. Some cultures and families, particularly with boys tend to admire their penis as a sign he is a big strong boy, the same as you would strong legs!
Babies are sensual little creatures, and a baby boy can have an erection (even though it certainly has nothing to do with sex)! It is healthy for them to have a kick without diapers on, both for the fresh air, and the extra freedom to kick without a wad between his legs.
You want your little boy to grow up loving all parts of his body, but at the same time learning which parts we keep private. Babies don’t care who sees them, and family members love to be part of the caring of a little one.
I love bathing babies, and it is a sensual loving experience, but that is very different from a sexual experience.
If you feel the boundaries you are comfortable with are not being respected then you need to talk it over with your husband and his family. You absolutely have the right to make the decision about who bathes or changes your baby.
Enjoy your little boy,
All the best,
Paula
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Paula Dennholt founded Easy Baby Life in 2006 and has been a passionate parenting and pregnancy writer since then. Her parenting approach and writing are based on studies in cognitive-behavioral models and therapy for children and her experience as a mother and stepmother. Life as a parent has convinced her of how crucial it is to put relationships before rules. She strongly believes in positive parenting and a science-based approach.
Paula cooperates with a team of pediatricians who assist in reviewing and writing articles.
How do you know when ur baby is being mistreated… a family member (female)put their tongue all over my baby’s mouth in an attempt to wipe food off his mouth is that normal? They also said to the baby that they should be the only one to do that.. My baby is 9 months I need answers please
Hi Gabby,
I would not call this sexual abuse – most likely nothing sexual about it – but certainly unusual and and obviously beyond YOUR boundaries and what you feel is ok. Also, noone is entitled to decide above your head what is acceptable for your baby or not. It can be sensitive when a family member interacts with our children in ways we don’t like, but you are perfectly in your right to simply tell them that you don’t want this. Not even any need to explain why – even if you can quote the risk of transferring bacteria or virus, for example.
Good luck!