8-Month-Old Baby Throws Tantrums If Not Held – What Do I Do?

by: Anonymous

Wow, Paula, thank you for the advice! I have an 8-month-old little girl who is the same way. It is very frustrating when you are trying to get anything done, laundry, dishes, dinner. It is almost impossible. Anytime I talk to anyone all they can say is aw, sounds like shes just spoiled rotten. I get so sick of hearing that, it just makes me feel like there is something wrong with her, or something wrong with the way I have raised her so far, I mean, nobody wants a little Veronica Salt. I really appreciate your take on it, the fact that someone can actually see it as a different personality, and that she isn’t gonna turn out to be totally rotten when she is older. It makes me feel a little better to hear that at least one random person in this world doesn’t think I have already screwed her up.

I have been trying to “research” this. Half the things I read say my son is “spoiled” and to try and get him on his own more frequently. The other half says you can never spoil a child under a year and to give him as much attention as possible. It is just so difficult! I hate hearing him cry with big ol’ crocodile tears streaming from his face. He legitimately seems like he’s afraid.

Obviously I want my son to learn how to comfort himself and spend time on his own (trust me, I would love to have the comfort of some quiet moments to myself) but also I do not want to traumatize him. I have come to think that he is just my little SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) and I love him all the more dearly. I don’t think there is anything wrong with giving babies varying amounts of attention. I think the sensitive ones need a little more to feel secure in this world and my little guy can be more loving than a lot of other babies I’ve seen, too. I’m sure they will be fine as they get older and just need security now. I don’t think anyone except a parent of these children understands what it’s like. I have tried putting him down and extending the amount of time I’m away from him, but it is very unsuccessful. Sometimes little ones just need lots of love, I think. They are, after all, so new to this world.

These are great comments… I have an 8-month-old adopted son who was born premature and who fusses whenever I am not holding him and walking around. Sometimes I can play games with him, but even that doesn’t last long. I can’t stand to hear him cry, but I also have a houseful and other responsibilities. If it weren’t for nap times I would never get a thing done, but even as it is, I have little time for my other, older children because he is awake from when they get home until bedtime. Any insight as to how long I should expect to have to give him so much attention? I don’t mind, but I feel bad about “neglecting” the other people who need me, too!

so hopefully once your kid is old enough to get around good on his own he will like playing with his brothers or sisters and give you some time to yourself. my daughter is still definitely very clingy to me, she’s a momma’s girl no doubt about it, but now she can walk to her toys and play with them by herself, and stand beside me and pretend to do what I do, so I do get breaks from holding her now….it does get better. sometimes it seems like its too much better, lol, there are times when I wanna cuddle she wants nothing to do with me. but other times when i am doing something important, she can’t get enough of me, so it’s gotten better, but they’ll always wanna be the center of your attention if they notice they are not at the moment I think. and no, I really don’t think you can spoil them before a year, i felt so bad thinking i was spoiling her…but now she is a pretty well-rounded kid so far. she plays well with others and trusts others easily.

I think if I would’ve tried to not spoil her before a year she wouldn’t be so well with her daycare teachers and friends, and others who have to watch her from time to time because she wouldn’t have learned early on that people are there for her when she needs them. now she knows she’ll be okay if i do have to leave, she doesn’t always like it, and will cry a little as i leave, but as soon as i’m gone she realizes everything will be okay, and i’ll be back, and she has a blast other new people. just wait till he is up and running on his own and it will get better (at least in that regards, of course then there are a whole other set of problems, with them getting into everything they shouldn’t)

With an 8-month-old baby acting like this, there may very well be two things in play; frustration over not being able to get where he or she wants to on her own, and separation anxiety. Hence the strong wish to be close to mom all the time AND being carried around all the time.

Unless the baby is also really scared of strangers – something that is also common at this age heading outside for some fun activities (find tips on baby activities here) can be a great relief for both the baby and mom. Even the most frustrated 8-month-old may forget being angry if meeting other babies, riding a swing, splashing around in a swimming pool, or something equally funny.

So don’t just stay in the house and try to endure this tough month; it makes it seem endless. Invest in a good stroller where your baby sits comfortably or a baby carrier or sling for older babies and head outside. Your baby is likely to nap and sleep better then too.

Good luck!

Paula