My 2 Year Old Is Clingy And Screams When My Boyfriend Picks Him Up
My son, now 2 years old, is extremely clingy and will not play on his own...
I separated from my husband almost a year ago. I haven't lived with him since May. When my ex and I were together he was never home due to work and when I left he fought me for custody and made it so I could hardly have my son by putting a protection order against my boyfriend. So my son has had a lot of changes which could be the reason for the clingy attitude.
When my boyfriend is around my son refuses to play with him, if my boyfriend picks him up he screams, if my boyfriend hugs me or anything my son starts crying. I know my son likes my boyfriend because he will ask about him and will want to call and talk to him on the phone.
I know it's going to take time and patience but any help would be greatly appreciated!!!
Baby Help Line:
Tips To Help Clingy Toddler After Separation
I am sorry to hear about your tough times. I hope a least the custody issues have been solved now and that there is a possibility for all of you to get in to some kind of routines.
Regarding your son's behavior, he might, just as you say, be reacting to the turbulent situation he has been through. A separation is a crisis for a young child too, even if they are not old enough to speak about it. So instead he maybe clingy and wants no one but mom when you are around.
It can of course be that he would have been just as clingy without the separation. Children go through stages of needing to be very close to one parent to feel safe.
My number 1 tip to you is to let him have what he needs, i.e. to be close to you.
I am sure it can be tiresome for you sometimes, but try to think of it as a healing period - or simply a phase when he needs you more. He needs to be convinced that you are there for him. Always.
Don't be worried that you spoil him by carrying him around; studies show that young children that are being held as much as they need become secure and independent earlier.
Regarding your boyfriend, talk to him and make him understand that him being rejected right now has absolutely nothing to do with him personally.
It is great if he tries to build up a relationship with your son slowly and without forcing him to be carried or anything like that.
Try to have fun together the three of you
as much as possible, so that your son can learn in his heart that your boyfriend is not a threat, but rather a friend.Don't pressure your son
by kissing your boyfriend in front of your son. There will be a time when your son has healed from all of this, but he is not there yet.
Also only say good things about your son's dad
to your son. Regardless of what your think about your ex-husband, your son has the right to love his dad and will feel more stress if he hears you saying bad things about him.
Finally take a moment to browse through questions and comments in this long thread with parents being rejected by their children.
It contains some useful advice both for you and your boyfriend.
Above all, give your son all the love and comfort he needs, and make sure you hug and laugh a lot together! It is well documented by research that laughter reduces stress hormones
; something I bet all of you could benefit from after this tough year!
Find answers and comments below.
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