Please help me get a good night's sleep! My 4 month old is pacifier dependent and wakes up 2-3 times a night because she has lost it out of her mouth. She is not waking because she is hungry....she just needs her attachment! What to do?
Baby Help Line Response:
Hi Kerry!
I must say that if your baby does not wake up to eat, only for her pacifier, the two of you have done a great job! Most 4 month old babies still feed at night.
Since your baby doesn't eat at night, she might very well learn to sleep better without her pacifier. At around the age of 4 months, the suckling reflex starts to decrease too.
Depending on how dependent your baby is on her pacifier (and on suckling while falling asleep), weaning from the pacifier can be hard or easy. You can't expect that she will accept it immediately. It might take a few days or more for her to learn a new way to fall asleep. (Little personalities already, the babies, isn't that wonderful!)
To help her learn how to fall asleep without it, you can try a tough or a gently way.
The easiest way to go, which might work, is to simply (but gently) pull her pacifier out right after her falling asleep. This way she'll learn to sleep without the pacifier, which for some babies is enough to help them sleep better. Do this every time she sleeps, day and night, for a week to see if it helps.
If that doesn't help, she might have to learn how to fall asleep without a pacifier, to make a difference.
In this case, one option is to simply take the pacifier away! Instead of giving her a pacifier, rock her in her crib or stroller or in your arms. You can also stroke her forehead and eyes gently.
If she's content with this relatively fast - great. (You don't want to have a baby that cries for hours, especially not at night!) If she is very sad and hard to settle, it might be that she is too dependent on suckling to really cope with this method.
Also, the risk is that your baby will learn to be rocked or patted to go asleep, and will continue to wake up, not for the pacifier, but for being rocked... Try to be as calm as possible with her, changing as little as possible from how she is already used to falling asleep.
Another option is to take your time to teach her gently to fall asleep without the pacifier. The below method I've learned in Elizabeth Pantley's excellent book - The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I've tried it and it worked for one of my children AND I've talked to other moms who are also content with the method. It works great both for pacifiers and nipples. You can read my review of the No-Cry Sleep Solution here.
When you put her to bed (or in your arms or wherever she goes to sleep), I assume with her pacifier, bottler or breast, let her suckle for a while until she is almost asleep. But right before she falls asleep, release whatever is in her mouth. Then press lightly on her cheek to keep her mouth shut. This may sound very weird, but it actually helps the baby to not root for the nipple or pacifier.
She will probably wake up when you do this, and NOT accept it the first few times. Give her the pacifier (or nipple) back and repeat the above process. Do this over and over again until she falls asleep without the pacifier (or nipple).
Then continue to do this every time she needs the pacifier (or nipple) for falling asleep.
Eventually, she will learn to fall asleep without suckling, which is great step towards sleeping through the night.
The advantage with Pantley's method is that you really teach your baby fall asleep in a new way.
The disadvantage is that it might take time and that it can be very hard at night to really motivate yourself to continue doing this. Do you have someone who can you at night? To be able to share the burden for a week or two would probably be of great help for you.
I must admit that with one of my kids, I gave up and simply put a whole lot of pacifiers in the crib instead, as well as one extra in her hands. She was a bit older than your baby, but it worked for her.
I hope this will give you some ideas on how to help your baby!
(And remember, it this all seems like too much trouble to get rid of your baby's pacifier dependence or if it doesn't work, your girl is still very young. With such a good start, I bet she'll sleep through the night soon anyway!)
Good luck, and please let us know about your progress!
Paula,
I've tried every single thing, and it's been a month and every night it gets worse.... i did not want to let him cry....but i think i don't have any other option. My son is 3 months & 1/2 and he used to sleep wonderful, until i gave him the pacifier. He's been waking up at first twice at night, then 3, then it was every 5 min. He's not old enough to put it back on himself, so the situation drove us crazy.
I tried to not give the pacifier during the day, and let him sleep without it...and he stills wakes up. I would let him sleep with it and then taking it out of his mouth..that didnt work either.Its the hardest decision ever, but i've been letting him cry for 2 nights already, offcouse letting him know im there, and rubbing his back...its horrible, but i hope it works.
My question is: do u think if i finally get him to not wake up looking for it...i could eventually give it back to him during the day sometimes?
Jul 01, 2008
Sorry! by: Baby Help Line
Hi Karina!
I just saw your question right now, so sorry I missed it!
How are things going for you? Did it work to take the pacifier away?
/Paula
Sep 18, 2008
Letting cry :___( by: nanou
Hi! My baby is same as Karina's. He turned 4 months. He'd also wake up about 3 times during a 2 hour day nap crying for his paci. 3 days ago, I decided to take it away,
The first night, he cried for 45 minutes. The first 10 min he was claiming it with some shouting. Then the screaming began. I went to calm him, patting him on the back, rocking him a bit. But this made him shout louder. 30 min in, the screaming started to turn into crying. I have a TV monitor on in my bedroom. Then I went and caressed his back some more. He started so calm down, so I went to bed. He slept for another 4 hours, poor baby.
The naps of the day after were fine.
Day 2: everything starts all over again. It lasted 20 min. Then he fell asleep for 10min, woke up, and cried again for another 20!!!
The day naps of day 2 were very hard. When he gets sleepy, and wouldn't stay in the swing (which is a place where he used to calmly start to sleep in with his pacifier) I picked him up, rock him, sing, hum... then he would start crying. I put him in bed, more crying. At about 4:30pm, he hadn't gotten his usual nap time, so he napped for 3 hours straight, which also delayed his bedtime.
Day 3: Last night, he woke up again. He called for me, and he turned from his tummy to his back. It looked like he wanted to play. So I rocked his bed a little, and started to hum a song. He started screaming ad crying. It escalated! I left him and went to watch the monitor in my bed. The crying lasted 18 min. Then he slept, and woke up smiling ready for breakfast.
Today, before his morning nap, we played until nap time came, and he starts whining. I held him, rocked him, sang to him, tried stroking my fingers in front of his eyes like I do to incite him to close his eyes. He became calm and as soon as he would want to fall asleep, again, started to scream and cry. So I put him in bed, tried to rock/sing... but he would cry more. So I left him. He cried for 10 minutes and then fell asleep on his own.
He woke up happy again... next nap (he's in it right now) I held him, sang... put him in bed before he fell asleep completely. He whined a little, turning his head looking for distractions. But wherever he looked, there was my arm blocking the view. He fell asleep within seconds!!!
The 3rd day is almost over. I hope tonight he won't insist anymore on the sucking. I've been so tempted to give him back the pacifier, but decided to hang on anticipating the progress.
I will let you know tomorrow! Fingers crossed :):)
PS: I noticed one thing since I took away the pacifier: the night feedings have become so long and slow. Can he be aware enough to take advantage of the bottle nipple to suck on it without swallowing all the time? Usually he finishes the bottle within 10-15 minutes. He has taken 1 to 2 hours the past couple of nights.
Sorry to be so long, I hope all these details help, and if you ladies have any comments, please send them. It's great to know I'm not alone here.
Sep 19, 2008
Letting cry - continued by: nanou
Sorry for posting twice yesterday.
As I promised, here's the update:
Baby woke up tonight, but didn't cry at first, then started making this sound aaaaaa aaaaaa... then within 5 minutes, he went back to sleep. Total night sleep time: 10.5 hrs.
He just repeated this sound before his morning nap.
There is hope at the end of the tunnel, it seems.
Pacifier free for 4 days now :)
Sep 19, 2008
Way to go! by: Baby Help Line
Nevermind the double posting!
Wonderful to hear that it works with taking away the pacifier. Crossing my fingers that it IS the end of the tunnel!
/Paula
Dec 07, 2008
HELP GETTIG SON OFF PACIFER by: Anonymous
my son just made a year nov 14 and he's attached to his pacifer. I brought so many I'm to the point that I'm not purchasing any more, but he lost his last one. Now I need help to keep him off. Any advice??????? HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jan 06, 2009
sleeping with open mouth by: Anonymous
hi! just want to ask if is it ok that my child is sleeping with mouth open after taking off the pacifier? i tried to close his mouth but still he opens in as if he's still has the pacifier in his mouth.
Jan 22, 2009
paci attachement for twins by: gigi
i have twin 3mth olds boys.. that are COMPLETELY attached to their paci... is cold turkey bad??? i just started today and the bouncey seat seems to help to get them to sleep but how do they stay asleep?? what can a 3 mth old use to sooth themsleves??? i feel soooooo bad to hear them cry, how long should i let them cry it out before comforting them... its sooo hard.... do i ever give it to them again??? will it confuse them if i do???
Mar 08, 2009
Can I take my 3 month old's pacifier away? by: Jane
Hi, I have looked over some of the posts here and recognize all of it. I have a 3 month old who WILL NOT go to sleep without her pacifier. I have tried to keep it away from her during the day, but she has been crying for two days straight. My husband just took her out for a ride and she crashed to sleep finally, but I am just wondering if it is ok to keep up this "cold turkey" pacifier plan. Is she too young? Should I just give it to her and get up every half hour at night to put it back in her mouth? Last night I got 3 hours of sleep. She would wail for about an hour, then rest from crying (but not actually go to sleep) then scream some more. I can feel the bottom dropping out for me, and I don't know if I can keep going. If I could just know that it is ok for me to let her cry for so long then I can do it, but it breaks my heart. When she gets tired I put her in her crib and try to sing/comfort her for a while, but she starts to cry immediately. I have tried to do the control crying method where I leave for a few minutes then come back and comfort her, but nothing seems to work. I am so scared that this misery will never end. Any advice or even something to make me feel like I am doing the right thing here will help. This is my first baby, and I love her so much, but it is so so hard. Thanks.
Mar 08, 2009
Hang in there! by: Baby Help Line
Hi Jane,
I feel so much for you and your little baby! I don't think there is a right or wrong here; if your girl wakes up every half hour for her pacifier I totally understand that you feel that you have to do something about.
The good thing with her being so young is that she will forget it faster. The bad thing is that her suckling need might still be quite strong, making the transition harder.
Does it help at all to rock her in the stroller or let her co-sleep? You don't want her to start using you as her pacifier of course (if you breastfeed), but a little bit of help, by sleeping close to mom might help.
I don't think your daughter will be hurt by crying, but it is unbearable, I know. Try to soothe her in other ways, patting her, lying next to her or again, take her out for a stroller walk.
She should learn within a couple of days to sleep without the sucking.
If it doesn't work at all, please don't feel bad about "giving up". You can try again anytime. Having a 3 months old, you are probably close to your own peak of being exhausted now. Many moms notice that things start to improve slowly from around 3 months. It is hard to see when you are in the middle of it all, but at around 3 months, babies start to grow more slowly, eat less frequently, the suckling reflex will become less strong, and routines will appear slowly.
So hang in there! Only getting 3 hours of sleep is pure torture, but something almost all new moms experience from time to time - pacifier or not. Things will get better!!!
I would recommend that you pick and choose between them too. It is so important to get those hours of rest as often as possible during the first year. Most babies and even toddlers have periods when they wake up at night, so don't forget to take care about yourself regardless of how well your baby sleeps.
Hope this helps a bit!
Paula
Mar 08, 2009
Re by: Jane
Thanks so much for your advice. We will try and hold out for a while longer. Your comments were very helpful to me, and I feel better knowing that others have done this and survived.
Mar 11, 2009
6 months and no sleep! by: Anonymous
hi my 6 month old son is a complete ass he dont sleep a wink he wakes for dummy and feed he had 2 feeds last night wich takes the piss my other half works evenings so cant leave him to scream as he needs sleep and so dose my 2 and a half year old i have tried everything it is getting me down i have even considered spiltting with the dad so he can keep him i go to college and have a busy life i need my sleep its the one thing i enjoy
Mar 16, 2009
Thumb by: Anonymous
My baby learned how to suck his thumb....not sure if that's worse, but now I don't have to keep finding the binly to put back in for him.
Mar 16, 2009
to Anonymous by: JJ
6 months and no sleep!
by: Anonymous
I really hope you are not that stupid. If you are...I hope someone takes your kids away from you. Ignorant...lazy. If sleep is more important to you, you shouldn't have had a baby. You don't deserve one.
Jun 02, 2009
Pacifier by: June Marie
HI
My son is 2 1/2 years old and he will never leave his pacifier at nights, he goes to a day care without it and other places but as soon as
he is ready to go to sleep he cries for his pacifier.
I need some strong advise how to make him stop.
He will be 3 years old in July.
Jun 03, 2009
A possible way by: Baby Help Line - Paula
Hi June Marie,
First of all, let me say that you don't "have to" force the pacifier from your son just yet. Most dentists agree that there really will be no harm to the teeth from using a pacifier until the child older than is fours years old.
Also, many children actually make up their own minds to quit when they are ready. And if your son only uses it at night, that is a lot less than many other kids in his age, so he is actually doing quite well!
But if you still want him to quit, here's what I did just a couple of months ago.
I wanted our 4 year old to quit, and she really didn't want to, but I decided that we couldn't wait any longer. I didn't have any plans to make our 2 year old quit at the same time.
Anyway, started preparing on Sunday, saying that on Thursday it is time to let go of the pacifier and send it to Santa Claus. Then I prepared every morning saying that "now it is two days left". On Thursday morning our daughter was very well prepared, and put her pacifiers in a plastic bag. Her little brother insisted on quitting too, so I thought, well why not!?
They got 1 plastic bag each to gather all their pacifiers in, then a piece of paper to draw their a picture of what gift they wanted from Santa Claus when he got their pacifiers.
We put the bag in envelopes and sent them off in the post (well, our kids thought so). To my huge surprise they fell asleep without any complaints the first night. And in the morning there was a big gift to them each with a letter about how great they were doing from Santa outside the door. They both got sad once (only once!), longing for their pacifiers and kept asking for them from time to time for two or three weeks. But of course we "couldn't" give them to them, since all pacifiers had been sent to Santa Claus.
That was it. Very little pain!
Maybe a trick to try with your boy.
Cheers,
Paula
Jun 06, 2009
Ninny (pacifier) Exhausted by: Anonymous
My son just turned 3 months old and we're realzing he is completely dependent on his pacifier to fall asleep and stay asleep. He wakes up almost every hour (sometimes half hour) and cannot settle himself back to sleep without us going in to put the pacifier back in his mouth.
I'm really not sure how or when to break the pacifier dependence. I think he is far too young for any cry it out/controlled crying but we all could really use some sleep.
Jun 08, 2009
Cut the Tip OFF. by: Anonymous
I cut the tip off all my childrens pacifiers. This way he would suck it for a few seconds, give it a few tries and then give up for good. After about a week he just gave up all together. He never really got that fussy. I guess because all the paci's were still there and I would give him one whenever he wanted. It was like he made the decision on his own simply because the paci didnt work the same and didnt produce the same suction and soothing as before.
Jun 12, 2009
Ninny (pacifier) Exhausted UPDATE by: Anonymous
Well we went cold turkey, no pacifier and it actually worked out a lot better than I had anticipated.
We started two days ago with naps and at first he would cry for about 5 minutes, fuss for about another 5 and then just lay there muttering and a bit restless for another 5-10 minutes before eventually falling asleep. He was the same with bedtime on day one and got up twice during the night but was able to resettle himself after 5-10 minutes.
Day two naps were the same as day one and bedtime on day two, not only did he not cry when he went to sleep but he slept from 8:30pm to 5:30am, was a bit restless but went back to sleep until 7am!
Again, I anticipated it would be a lot worse because I had never actually given him the opportunity to try and settle (or self soothe) on his own.
Good luck to anyone out there trying to break a pacifier dependence. Allowing him to cry for a little bit and self soothe was the best thing we ever did. We're all getting a bit of sleep, mainly my son and he's a lot less cranky because of it!
