I have a 9-month-old baby daughter, who doesn’t seem to want me anymore. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week – in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day.
I can’t quite remember if this started at around the same time but she no longer wants to be with me – she will reach out for anyone else who is around, and this is really upsetting for me.
I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me – I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time.
My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she won’t even look my way!
I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will effect our relationship long term? I have no idea what to do – I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing – cuddling and playing – but she still doesn’t want me most of the time.
Thanks for taking the time to read,
Baby Rejecting Mom After Going Back To Work
Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! As you say, you’re the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now you’re suddenly gone much more. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation.
Babies react in different ways when mom (or dad) suddenly starts working. Many act the same way as your daughter – “punishing” the one who left her. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around.
Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. She can’t even choose not to, because you are her mom.
Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, don’t take it personally and don’t worry. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around – even if things are not exactly like before.
Also, 9 months is a sensitive age in any case; don’t think of it as spoiling her if your husband is carrying her around. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster.
I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens – both for your own sake and her! It will pass.
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