Having Sex While Breastfeeding...

(Having what?!)

Picture the following scene:

New Mom and New Dad are finally home with their New Baby.

A Family has been created or expanded.

The Baby is of course the cutest ever seen on our planet. Mom and Dad smile at each other and at their baby, cuddle him, kisses him and feel very happy.

(You can almost hear the music, right...?)

Then Dad puts his arms around Mom and lowers them slowly. Kisses her and starts showing his intentions to take her to bed... (not for sleep...)

Music stops. Mom ducks and sneaks away. Baby starts crying and Dad has been turned down. Again. Does this sound familiar?

Some moms I've talked to say that they almost felt ill for some time because of the lost interest in having sex while breastfeeding.

So what's going on?

Well, in addition to the wonderful scene described above, there is another side of the coin. Like not sleeping at all.

Hurting nipples, well hurting in many places, actually.

Leaking breasts (not so sexy), hormones, stretch marks (not so sexy either according to Mom) and - did I mention pain and no sleep...

Do you want to now why your libido is so low? Read on!

The Lost Sex Drive while Breastfeeding

• Hormones
• No sleep
• Being over touched
• Pain
• The post pregnancy body
• Does it ever come back?
• Your stories

Hormones

Two hormones great for breastfeeding and really bad for your sex drive are involved.

The first one is oxytocin. This hormone is responsible for the breast milk let-down reflex.

Funny, oxytocin is also called the love hormone and contributes to strong wish moms have to cuddle their baby. Oxytocin is also involved in lovemaking (there by its nick name), and is actually released during orgasm. At least in theory, one would think that this should benefit the interest in sex while breastfeeding, but no (for most new moms.).

Instead it can make the breast milk leak during orgasm, which can be a real turn off for some moms. (If this is your case, make love with a bra on (with nursing pads). This way, it doesn't have to disturb you. )

Another hormone affecting your interest in sex while breastfeeding is estrogen. Estrogen levels are very low while breastfeeding. This prevents ovulation, lowers interest in sex and may cause vaginal dryness. Great, huh? Lubricants are really a must for many new moms.

No sleep

Getting no sleep sure affects your wish to have sex while breastfeeding. (And while bottle feeding too, although some bottle fed babies are fed by dad or sleep somewhat better, because formula can be a bit more filling.)

No sleep can drive you crazy. It's been used for torture. As a new mom, I'm sure you understand why. It drives you nuts! Certainly doesn’t make you feel like trading a couple of hours of sleep for some hot time in bed with your partner.

For some new mom sleep tips, click here.

Being over touched

Many new moms have skin contact with another human being (the baby, for the most part) more or less all the time.

A mom I talked to told me that when she was home with her first baby, she really found it hard to even let Dad take off his shoes in the evening before giving the baby to him. She was so over touched!

When being a new mother, it is really easy to start longing for not being touched by anyone for a change. Great for the sex drive? Not.

On the other hand, if left alone for a while, it can actually be great to be touched by ones partner instead of someone who keeps throwing up at you (no matter how cute)...

So dads, be patient! And carry the baby around while mom takes a shower, reads a book, sleeps or just sits on the couch. This may lead to miracles!

Pain

Giving birth is painful, breastfeeding can be really painful at least in the beginning, and lovemaking can be painful for a long time due to soreness, stitches and dryness.

Then the back and neck starts hurting from carrying the baby around and sleeping and nursing in weird positions.

Then there's the headache from serious lack of sleep...

Pain, pain, pain.

Not exactly great for the interest in sex while breastfeeding.

The post pregnancy body

Mom has a fantastic body. Period. Carrying a child for 9 months and then giving birth to it one way or the other, is hard work and a miracle.

However, as the body might change quite a bit from its before pregnancy look, many women feel self conscious over their bodies post pregnancy. Unfortunately, this may also have negative effects on the sex drive.

Try to give yourself a break! Start exercising slowly and think a little bit about what you eat if you're worried about the baby fat.

Buy a stretch mark cream, if the marks really bother you. Creams can never take the marks away completely, but there are creams, like Trilastin SR that have well documented positive effects.

Do your best to fix what you have to (and can) and love the rest.

Does it ever come back?

A wise Mom said: Don't worry, sure your sex drive will come back - otherwise the human race would be extinct!

Excellent! (And true.)

So, Mom and Dad take it easy!

Dad, don't panic and don't hunt Mom down. That will certainly not help your over touched, exhausted partner get her sex drive back!

Mom, do have sex from time to time. Having sex is actually great for your interest in sex while breastfeeding (and for your relationship).

By the way, not all moms have a low sex drive while breastfeeding. If your libido is just as usual (or better), be grateful and have fun!

Your stories

Want to share your situation with other moms and dads? Well, here's an anonymous place to do that.

Use the form below to talk about your situation or click here to read and provide helpful comments to other parents sharing their experiences rearding sex after baby.

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How is Your Love Life After Pregnancy?

For most new parents life changes a lot when a new baby arrives. Some things for the better, some things - like love life - usually for the worse, at least for a while.

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Other Parents' Life After Pregnancy

Curious on other parents' situation? Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Low sex drive and painful sex when we have it  Thank you for creating this page. I went to the OB/GYN office because of sex being so painful after having my daughter. I had had a C-section, so I was ...

Not looking forward to it   It has been a month since I gave birth. The vaginal pain has subsided and I am getting used to breastfeeding. The doctor informed us that we can start ...

Dad Needs Action  Dad's sex drive is still there. Mom's sex drive crashed and needs to reboot. Please help.





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