It has been a roller coaster time for my wife and I. We have been trying for two years to get pregnant but to no avail. Each month the depressing realization that we haven't broken the cycle of failure means at least a week of melancholy for us both. Only when we were on the waiting list for IVF did we cheer up, because at least there was an end-point in sight.
Well, the month we were due to begin the IVF cycle, we fell pregnant. We were delighted that we have conceived naturally. Many people say that when you are less worried and stressed pregnancy happens.
However, just 10 weeks in, our joy was destroyed when my wife detected some bleeding, and a scan showed that our baby had no heartbeat. What was so awful was that we could see the shape of our little one on the ultrasound scan. The moment when we saw that it was real, was the same moment that we were told we had lost it. I still can't get the image of our lifeless baby out of my head.
I had composed speeches where I would tell my family and friends and colleagues that I was going to become a Dad. Now I will have to wait.
After the miscarriage my wife returned to work, and several of her colleagues have told her their stories of infertility and serial miscarriages. This makes us feel better! At least we know we can conceive naturally. We'll be trying again from next month.