Why My Daughter Cries With Me

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Why My Daughter Cries With Me

by carmen
(Hood River,OR)

My baby girl age almost 2 in June. She just started, this being second time, when her mom brings her to me for my time, which is a 50 50 deal, she cries now and wants to stay with her mom and not me.

To put it in perspective for you I am not like typical males who run from their responsibilities. I am 31 and also have full parental and custodial of my oldest daughter age 14, which I have been raising since she was 2 months old, mom not a part of her life more than once a year if lucky.

But now I am a little hurt and lost when my youngest doesn't want to stay with me anymore, she only cries for a couple of mins once mom out of sight out of mind everything's fine whether it's my 3 day or 4 day week. Her mom saying that I'm a bad parent cause I keep her and don't let her go back to her mother, and she saying that I am going to mess my daughter's head up. I would take her back to her mom in a heart beat if she didn't stop crying. Any idea why she cries when mom brings her to me but not when I take her to her mother.

Ohh something else to help you put the situation/scenario together we both have been there equally from day 1, no day care, only family watches her if needed, we both work from home, we separated July 2009 she moved right away in with the guy she left me for were he also lives at his moms. I had to sell our home, couldn't afford anymore so I now to live back with my parents so with me on visitations she's got daddy, sis, nanna,and pappa. With her no family except boyfriend and his mom.

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Why My Daughter Cries With Me

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May 07, 2010

Some ideas...
by: Paula (Baby Help Line)

Dear Carmen,

How great to hear about a dad that really takes his responsibility and also cares so much about the wellbeing of his little daughter.

Regarding your little daughter, what you describe; that she cries for a few minutes when leaving her mother, is completely normal. For her, it is a loss, she doesn't understand time yet and the separation hurts. This happens for all children whether it is going between parents or the parents heading for work. If she is only crying for a few minutes it is acutally very similar to how many toddlers react when left at the daycare. And that she does cry is actually a sign that she feels safe with you - she dares to show her feelings.

There are a couple of things you can do to help her. One thing is to not take it personally at all. Share the pain with her - it is sad for a 2 year old to leave her mom. Let her be sad, hold her, acknowledge her feelings so they don't turn into guilt. After a while, gently help her get over her feelings by distracting her with activities you know she loves.

Another thing is to consider if there are ways you can go between and her mom through some intermediary sometimes, like play school. This might not ber relevant yet, but for many young children, it is much less painful to be left in the morning at daycare and then fetched by the other parent later, than actually going from one parent to the other.

Third, over time you and her mother can try and see if your daughter is better off with longer time periods with either of you. I know for most young children what you do now is the best; to swap after 3 or 4 days. But some do feel better with swapping less often. My step son was like that from early on. He was happier with less frequent swaps; maybe after 5 or 6 days, and then eventually once per week.

The last thing I want to comment is the fact that your daughter does not cry when leaving you for her mom. Most probably this is due to her being slightly more attached to her mom. Most young kids are and for dads actually living in a relationship with their baby's mom, this is even more apparent. A lot of dads are not even allowed to put on their child's socks! "No, mommy" is very common and often really hard to not take personally. Dads that live together with their baby's mom get a lot more of this! So even if it is tough, it is normal for her age, nothing against you, she will grow out of it and you are a lot better off than most dads! Something to remember...

I hope this makes you less worried and gives you a few ideas on how to handle the situation. My guess is that you are a great dad doing a great job. Just love your daughter, be with her, acknowledge her feelings and never say a bad word to her about her mom and things are likely to work out well.

Warm wishes,

Paula

PS Find a long discussion about babies prefering one parent over the other here.

Oct 12, 2010

Your baby and my baby cries.....
by: Anonymous

they do this because they were probably comfortable and then handed over to a very excited Daddy. Or she might have been overwhelmed by your happiness to see her. Say you are watching a movie and the doorbell rings and its your neighbor, you would normally get a little agitated in that you just don't cry like a child would. And your baby is only crying for what a couple of minutes, you said. Well that's nothing most don't stop when mom is out of the room, count your blessings.

Read this article about separation anxiety at KidsHealth.org (Opens in new window)

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