Traumatic Situation for 22 month-old
by Extremely Sad and Concerned Mommy
Hello, I am a mother to a healthy, intelligent, happy, loving little boy that will turn two in March.
I found out that I was pregnant with my son right before my 21st birthday. His father insisted that I have an abortion, saying that we weren't ready for a baby. I refused, therefore, spending most of my pregnancy on my own with the help of my supportive, loving family.
Two months before I had my son, his father came back into the picture. It's been an on and off relationship, and I am sad to say that there was a lot of abuse toward me from my son's father.
Though he never abused me physically in front of my son, he constantly demeaned me and emotionally rejected me in front of my child. For most of the first year of my son's life, his father was not around, running around with many females.
I went back to his father recently in November, where soon after he strangled me and caused a serious domestic altercation. Needless to say, the police were involved and both of us were placed under arrest (even though he was strangling me and I scratched his face to force him off of me) leaving my son with his grandfather on his father's side.
At the police station, they placed a five day protective order on both of us to where we could not have contact and I could not return to the house where my son was. During this time, my son's father kidnapped my son and refused to let me see him after the protective order was no longer in effect.
On Thanksgiving, I begged and cried over the phone to him to let me at least see my son. He finally caved in and let his father (who physically abused him as a child) bring my son to his house to see me. (Don't forget, I have never been a day without my son) Upon seeing me for the first time in over ten days, my son screamed and cried and did not want to come to me. This completely crushed my heart. My son usually only wants me, but when his dad is around he usually ignores my son, and my son craves for his attention. Could he have reacted this way out of anger towards me for being away from him for this long? I don't understand why he acted like this.
I ended up picking him up and singing to him and he began to laugh at me. After playing with my baby for an hour, his grandfather told me that I had to give my son back and let him take him to his father. When I refused, he got angry and called my son's father who called me, screaming at me and threatening me. My son's grandfather then came to me, intimidating me and convincing me to give him back so that my son's father and I could form a compromise with my son and each of our custody over my son, since one was not legally set. This is my biggest regret.
After giving my son back to them, I have not seen my son for almost three months. We are going through an intense and ugly custody battle, where he now claims that I am an unfit mother, that I am a violent and volatile person, and that my son is afraid of me. He is a self-admitted pathological liar, he is abusive and mentally disturbed, he has a drinking problem, and he places my son in seriously dangerous situations.
I feel like a zombie all day everyday, I cry and worry for my son's well-being and safety, and I feel like my heart has been torn out of my body. I feel that he is punishing me by using my son against me. He is aggressive and angry over the phone on hour, then the next hour he is telling me that he loves me so much, and he wishes we could work out.
I am dealing with a seriously disturbed individual. He is making the custody case look really bad on himself, and it's pretty much a sure thing that I will receive custody of my soon-to-be two year old within the next two months. The waiting is excruciating. I miss my baby so much.
When I do get my son back, I am worried about how he will act. I am worried about how he will feel about being away from me for so long. I fear that he will be confused from being with me his whole life, to being with his dad and around strange women for three to five months and then returning to me. Can someone please give me some advice as to my son's reaction to seeing me on thanksgiving and possible emotional damage that this has caused for him? I feel that counseling for my baby may be important as well...
Thank you for your help.
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