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Submitted by: Baby Help Line - Annie

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Hi CJ, First of all, of course you are a good mother! The best way to be a good mother, is simply loving and having fun with your children. One thing to keep in mind though, your daughter is not responsible for making you happy - she is just learning and growing and testing things out, and unfortunately Mom is often the one who gets the tantrums and other people get lots of the goodies! That is because she feels safest and trusts you that she can do her worst, and know you still love her. So don't take her behavior personally, just trust in your instincts and most of all enjoy her. You have both been through a lot of changes and you will be feeling a bit overwhelmed I imagine. Your daughter is also having to adjust and come to terms with the new living arrangements and will be missing her Dad. Try to just let her grieve, and keep the problems you have with your ex separate from her relationship with him. She needs to know you both still love her and will put her needs first. The best thing you can do is try to support her when she is angry and sad. Don't feel rejected, she is only behaving like that because she is confused and hurting. You are the stable person in her life and she is probably scared you will disappear too, and may even seem to reject you as a way of lashing out. The fact that she is attached to your Mom is a good thing, you both need support right now. Don't expect your daughter to be building your self-esteem, she is just a child. You have to start believing in yourself and your strengths and that is the best way you can show her how to grow up to be a wonderful young woman. Now, I am not sure about your daughter's age, but it sounds to me like she may be having night terrors. Night terrors are different from nightmares in that the child is not really aware of who you are, and will just be irrational and angry and scream for all sorts of things or people. It is very hard as a parent to know what to do as it seems as if you can't comfort her. Many parents feel rejected when their little one won't be comforted or screams for the other parent. It is really hard, but you just have to be patient and calm and comfort her as best as possible until she calms down again. She will grow out of it but it is exhausting and upsetting in the meantime. Just be gentle with yourself, you have been through a lot and are also a working Mom, which is a big load. All the best <a href="http://www.easybabylife.com/annie-desantis.html">Annie Desantis</a>

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