Simmer down young man!

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Simmer down young man!

He didn't think it would happen to us. Maybe to other couples, but not us. Familiar anyone?

Well I didn't want to believe it was possible either, but we are all in it together, my sleep deprived Lady friends! I am beginning to get the feeling that even the sexiest most sex loving ones of us all have traded in our favourite suspender belt for our newly prized underwireless nursing bras! Before having the baby I thought, really come on. We will be fluffily in love, making love and enjoying our little family. But that was before I really knew about that brain haemorrage sleep dep feeling! I carry it around with me daily.

I find that aside from the sleep dep, hormones, stress and squabbling with my partner, there is the added factor of sleeping apart due to a survival routine we have based around our bubba's crazy sleeping. ( or not sleeping ).My man is in another room and he gets some undisturbed sleep so he can go to work (lucky bugger!) and I throw the baby at him as he gets ready for work and dive into bed for an hour, but apart from that, I battle it alone through the long night..

As much as my man would love me to accept his sudden approach from behind as I chop the vegetables for dinner, I need to bridge the gap somewhat with a bit of intimacy. When is there ever time to lay about and wait casually for the mood to strike. The occasions that it has happened have been me making the effort to rouse myself out of my tiredness and force myself away from the lulling tv and comfort of the couch and the peace & relief of baby being in bed. It's not that I haven't enjoyed it now I have got the hang of it again ( 4 months later ), but I just miss hugging in bed and the quiet, close time that I need which develops naturally into the sexy bit!

Anyway, after a few upsetting confrontations, I think he is starting to understand that we are not alone and that sex is (for the time being) an occasional luxury to be savoured from time to time, like a fine wine one must take out of the cellar, dust off and enjoy to the fullest while it lasts!!! Anyway, I get sleep depravation, he gets sex depravation. Fair play off I suppose...

Finally, like my girlfriends with babies have told me, hang in there, it all goes back to normal again... someday.

Comments for
Simmer down young man!

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Occasional?
by: Anonymous

As a guy I whole heartily disagree with your idea that "Occasional" is OK. He obviously cares about you, and there is nothing lucky about going to work, that's ridiculous. You get to stay home with a beautiful child and NO BOSS, NO DEADLINES and NO STRESS TO PERFORM OR MAKE $$. Giving him some action is the least you can do to make his day better. I bet he has already given up a lot for his family, and he probably tells himself "As long as he has you things will be OK", and then he gets home and gets shut down. Its a terrible feeling when you get turned down, and while it comes out as a "Confrontation" its really him feeling hurt, rejected, disconnected from you and worst of all for a guy, he cant figure out what he did wrong or what he can do to fix it. Forget the fine wine approach, if you don't want sex, try doing other things to pleasure him, this will show him that you really do care about his CONSISTENT needs and will probably help your relationship.

Frustrated?
by: Anonymous

Gosh! Who ever has responded to this letter is sounding frustrated. Being far too tired for sex for a few months after having a baby is a fair comment. The adjustment period of becoming parents for the first time can take its toll temporarily, especially on a woman who barely sleeps 3 hours a night. That is quite common for sleep dep to make you feel very unsexy. Both parents give a lot up for the baby, but gain a lot too. It is not an easy time for either party. So if putting the sex aside a bit is something that can't be understood, then someone may have to develop patience and understanding and realise that things will go back to normal eventually. If there is no other form of affection or expression of love available, then it gets really tough. But if a couple can maintain a loving partnership then the temporary state of less sex is going to pass and all will be happy. It is a problem if a year later no one's interested, that would show there are maybe some issues. But even then many people report that their sex life is less than before they had a baby. It's a fact. The point of that letter is that you have to enjoy it when it does come along, and know it will get more frequent eventually, with any luck. I certaintly have compassion for my partner when he has to go to work, and he has that for me when I have hardly slept all night. We have our difficult times with it all, but he would never want me to have sex just for him or for his sake.

Mums and Dads!
by: Anonymous

As an add on to that last response, I'd like to say That the author of "Occasional?' should read the page on this website under for mom and the link there to do with sex. It gives some advice as to why women don't want much sex at that time and reassures all involved that sex drive should return eventually.
Thanks

Edited by Easy Baby Life to provide the links to the article mentioned above:

There's actually two articles dealing with this problem:

Low libido while breastfeeding explained

and

Dad's guide to breastfeeding hormones

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