I'm pretty sure we tried around then but I'd still only count 10 months as the real answer as that's when I could finally relax and enjoy it. 1. it hurt for a long time, 2. I was petrified. I still don't like my husband touching my scar tissue but that's a tiny bit on my perinium. Way too much information but please - let's be honest here!
I had a straightforward and positive birth but had a 2nd degree etar and stitches - it's not weird that I was jumpy about that area being touched. I had a smear test around that time too and the nurse said it did look sore and understood why I was nervous.
I get so fed up with articles I read about reasons women don't want sex after birth and it's always that 1. they're unconfident about their wobbly body and 2. they're tired because of the baby - it never mentions 3. fear or 4. pain!!!
My son's 3 now and it's improved and we have a normal (well - what's normal?!), regular, fabulous sex life. And it's getting better - now I'm pregnant again!
You are so right, and I went and changed the sex after childbirth poll right away. I don't remember why I put 6 months as the longest option; not a very good choice! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Regarding sex life after childbirth, I could probably write a whole (angry) book about it. It is a big issue in many relationships - no wonder since life and libido changes so much for so many. And while I can totally understand that it must be very tough for the men to feel rejected, the tips I read in articles everywhere are absurd in my view; for the woman to have sex even if she doesn't want to. If new parents would learn in advance that sex will be an extremely low priority for a long time after birth; probably years, and be prepared for that AND learn how to deal with it without fighting, feeling rejected and being disappointed with one another, then I think quite a few relationships would do a lot better.
And as you point out too - fear and pain are certainly among the issues for many women after childbirth. I've written an article about sex while breastfeeding, which discusses some of these issues. You'll find it here. It does, however not discuss sex long after giving birth - probably a good topic for another article. I have read about several studies that have found a 3 year period of low libido after childbirth to be quite common. And from a human survival perspective that makes sense - first you raise one child, and only after it is old enough to eat adult foods, walk, run, talk and so on, nature wants you to get pregnant again... Indigenous people often have 4 years between their children.
So, thanks Meg for your honest and relevant comments!
Paula
Oct 19, 2012
Abnormal by: Wendy
Well, I read your article and loved every bit of it! But I must say, I must be abnormal. I can't relate to most of it because my body already looked like I had a couple kids before I even had! I mean I wasn't fat, but I wasn't skinny either. I already had the longer, flatter boobs. Probably because I was already a 36D. I'm 5'6" and 157. I hold my weight well. But I have giggle for sure. I have hips. Just a standard in my family. Ha ha. My issue is, my husband thinks I'm appalling. Yes, every day, I can see it in his how on how grotesque he thinks my body is. And this is just not after baby, it was before too.
If I took a picture of my nude body on our wedding day and took one right now, I am so sure I look exactly the same. But my lame husband has this complex that he can't get turned in by over weight girls. He used to tell me that my body was ok and that my hip to waists ratio was a turn in cuz my waist was small. But now I know, he really didn't like my Body on our wedding either. And now with having the baby back in march, we only had sex once. And I felt the pity out of it. I think he did it cuz I said I didn't find him attractive anymore. I guess I wasn't trying to throw his own words back at him. So then we had sex and nothing more. And now I really don't find him attractive. So, i hope all you out there can say, you have a guy who loves and cares about you no matter what. Because my husband says, ' I hate myself for feeling this way.' ( for not being attracted to me because I'm so fat.- fat being my word choice, his being 'over weight.'.). Sad think. He met me at 160. We married I was 157. The week before I got pregnant I was 161. I am no 156. He's a freakin moron. I think he's gay.
