New Dad At 24 Married To A 19 Year Old

by Anthony
(Michigan)

My son is 4 months old and my wife and I got married exactly 1 month before his birth. We planned on getting married even earlier than that but then we found out she was pregnant and waited on the wedding, so it wasn't a shotgun wedding it was actually a delayed wedding which throws people off quite a lot.

Well I read a part that said "barely recognized her" and that stood out to me the most because since my son was born and now its 4 months later I still feel like I have no idea who my wife is. She is no where near the same person she was a year ago or even 5 months ago.

During the pregnancy I knew what to expect because I had been around many pregnant women in my life being the only guy in my family. So that was fine but after our son was born, the very night he was born her personality flipped. Since his birth she hasn't been the same in any way or form.

I had heard all about dads being jealous of their babies and all but that wasn't my problem at all. Although she has completely stopped all emotional and physical attention with me since his birth I still expected it, and it does bother me very badly but I'm not jealous of my son.

What confuses me is even when he is out cold sleeping very soundly and her and I are watching a movie together, she still won't let me touch her at all, not even a little bit. 4 months with absolutely no connection to her at all and its still the same to this day.

I dunno if this is normal or healthy but it is a problem to say the least. Now all that I do and I do absolutely everything I can think of for her becomes a fight and isn't good enough for her and no matter how much time I spend with the baby I get yelled at that Im not a good enough father and mostly get yelled at that I dont spend enough time with the baby.

The weird part is you would think she would be post-pardum and mad at everyone but its only me. She is perfect with our son and everyone else but since the moment he was born she acts like she hates me with all her heart and doesn't want me around. She always says how glad she is I'm going to work or stuff like that. Maybe I'm wrong and its not a new parent issue maybe she just don't love me anymore and blames me for everything for whatever reason I don't know. I guess sometimes you can't do anything but try and prepare for failure.

Comments for
New Dad At 24 Married To A 19 Year Old

Jul 26, 2010
Keep Trying
by: Anonymous

Anthony,
I am a mom of 2, my second child was born 5 months ago. My oldest child is from a previous relationship. My husband and I got pregnant before getting married and like you we waited to wed. We finally did a month and a half after his birth. My husband said I changed too. I've never yelled at my husband or blamed him, having kids is what we always wanted. I got a little moody and controlling, I felt like I had to do EVERYTHING by myself because I was the mother and that's what they do right? I needed him and didn't let myself accept that for a while.

I know women go through a lot of emotional and physical changes during this time that can be very hard to deal with. It may be that she is so overwhelmed with caring for a baby that she takes it out on you for being part of the reason why you have a baby in the first place and why she has to do so much. She may not want physical or intimate contact because of the changes to her body.

I got very self conscious after our son was born because of extra weight and stretch marks which I never had after my older daughter. She could also be worried that you are not doing enough with your baby and it will effect your relationship later and pushes you to do more. Whatever her reasons, yelling at you is not the answer and it sounds like you both need to work on communication. It truly is the key to a good long marriage I believe. It may be hard, but try and talk with her. Try and understand from a women's angle how she may be feeling and share how you feel. Support her, compliment her, on how good of a mother she is, how great she's doing, and how proud you are of her and your family. Tell her she's beautiful, tell her her body is beautiful. Always be there to listen. When she starts to yell, stay calm and tell her "let's talk" because yelling gets no where. She needs you and may not want to admit just how much because that may make her feel like shes failing. There may be many reasons why shes doing this, she might not even know why either. Talk, talk, talk. Neither of you can work thing through without doing so, and for your baby's sake it needs to be done.

Every child deserves 2 parents all the time, and everyone deserves happiness. You just need to find what's going to enable this for your family and that begins with communication.

Aug 09, 2010
talk ur heart to her
by: Anonymous

I am a mom of a 2.5 yr old son.. i was 20 when my son was born and i can easily relate to your wife's problem and understand ur feelings too..

usually when its our first baby that too when we r so young, we find very difficult to adjust to the new changes the body undergo sometimes we feel annoying too, the pain etc. u wont believe but i literally kept my husband away from me till my son was over 1 year old and my hubby was very patient with me. i used to put up irritating faces or get away from him when ever he tries to touch me.

one major factor is the hormonal changes that take place when we feed the baby. once you stop feeding the baby totally, we will slowly return to normal thinking, it may take months or years. its almost 2 and half years since my son was born and still some times i am not comfortable with my hubby even touching me.

this is a new phase of womanhood and when it takes place when she is so young, it is very challenging to face it.
ONE MAJOR FEAR MAY BE THAT IF WE LET YOU TOUCH, WE HAVE BIG FEAR IF THE HUBBY MAY LOSE CONTROL AND GET TEMPTED AND WISH TO PROCEED FURTHER WHICH WE DONT WANT WHILE WE FEED THE BABY.

it would be best if you both take a walk in a park or so and talk about it openly. you ask her how she feels about you and ask her when you can return to normal life.

i directly told my hubby as soon as my son was born, DON'T TOUCH ME TILL OUR KID TURNS ONE YEAR and he said yes.

if you get such direct answers from her, you can be prepared what to face for the time she mentions and wait for her....

i think this will be the best thing for you to do.
all the best and have a very happy married life!!!

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