My Baby Doesn't Want To Go To Me

by Ang
(fallbrook ca)

My daughter is 9 months and wants nothing to do with me. She wants her dad and brother and sister but not me.

I am a stay at home mom; you would think I would be all that she wants, but that is not the case.

What have I done wrong? I do everything for her all the time. It breaks my heart.

Baby Help Line:

Tips When Independent 9 Month Old Doesn't Want Mom

Your little girl is at the age where the world is opening up, she is probably getting mobile and it is wonderful that she has the confidence to go to other people. Many Moms are so relieved to be able to pass their baby onto someone else for a bit of a break so make the most of it!

You are obviously a very dedicated Mother, and are the main caregiver for your baby. But remember, she has you all day, and when someone new comes home it is so exciting. Other people have different tones of voice, and talk excitedly when they arrive home, and your baby is clearly stimulated by this.

Babies also love other children and are captivated by them. The advantage younger siblings have is the stimulation of older brothers and sisters. Don't see this as a personal thing about you, you are not in competition for her attention.

As the parent it is your job to encourage her to learn to relate to many different people. A baby is not here to fill our needs. Your little girl has obviously got such a lovely start with her Mom that she is keen to relate to others and that is great thing. It is not good for her to only want attention from you, she needs to learn to relate and learn from all sorts of people.

When you do have time alone with her, then play games with her, like peek-a-boo, nursery rhymes, clapping games etc. You can find tips on games to play with a 9 month old here.

Moms are often busy with the day to day chores of parenting, and don't get so much of the fun times. So make sure you make the most of your time alone with her and do your chores when the others are home and can take over watching the baby.

Most of all, just enjoy her, don't be jealous of her interest in other people, it shows you have given her a great start in life.

all the best,
Annie Desantis

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Comments for
My Baby Doesn't Want To Go To Me

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Sep 29, 2011

More parents dealing with bonding issues
by: Paula (Baby Help Line)

Hi,

In addition to the ideas provided by Annie, I really think you should take a look at a long thread with other parents experiencing a similar situation.

Here it is:

My baby doesn't seem to want me

I hope this helps,

Paula

Mar 03, 2012

Thanks Annie
by: Anonymous

Thanks Annie for such wonderful words. I was feeling the same way (in my case, baby smiles and laughs a lot more with his grandparents) and you totally put things in perspective. Thanks for making my day!

Mar 11, 2012

Sad
by: Anonymous

I'm ebf and my 8 week old daughter doesn't seem to want me when I carry her!!! She wriggles and cries. But when the caretaker carries her she goes to sleep!!! What's wrong???

May 25, 2012

My 9 months baby doesn't like me any more
by: Lilly

I went away for work for 15 days, I left my son with his grand mother on return he accepted me for 30 mins and cried reaching out for his grand mother since then, when I come home he is happy to see me for awhile but then he cries for the maid or grand mother and not me. I used to sleep with him in bed now he simply cries if I put him in my bed. I am desolate and hurt. Sometimes I feel like giving up on him and just ignare hime although common sense always reigns I am the adult and the mother. I am taking the high road with my son!! humiliating!!

Jul 01, 2012

Rejected by 11month old
by: Anonymous

I feel so bad....I'm a stay at home mom for 11 months now & my 11 month old rejected me and her daddy for a stranger!!!! Is that normal?

Aug 25, 2012

Granny
by: Anonymous

My daughter has a 13 month old baby girl whom I have cared for once a week for a few hours. They have a wonderful loving relationship and she is a happy baby. Recently I had to take the baby for 6 days due to unavoidable circumstances, and when my daughter arrived at my house the baby clung to me and would have nothing to do with her mother. I had to bath her and get her ready for bed, give her her bottle and read her her story, but she did then allow her mother to settle her in her cot. Next day she was fine with her mother, but still twice during the day she climbed onto my lap and pushed her mother away.

They have now gone on holiday and all is well, but why did the baby react like this? If her father goes away for a few days she is just happy to see him when he comes back, and the same on the couple of occasions when she has stayed with me all day and her mother returned after some hours.

Jan 17, 2013

6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother)
by: Anonymous

I am with him most of anyone. I do everything to
Try and make him happy. He just screams in my arms
When he's with me. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens.
His body stiff cries, kicks his legs etc. I give him to my mom he stops and eats quietly! ???!! I watch her to see if I am doing something wrong, or differently.

And we aren't. It feels like my own child doesn't like me

Also, I thought babies were to know their mothers
Voice .. When I speak to him, coo at him he never
Looks in my direction, his eyes are always focused elsewhere.

Sometimes when I'm feeding him he will look on my eyes but never because of my voice.

Mar 29, 2013

i know how u feel
by: Anonymous

I am very hurt to the fact that my 13 month old wants everyone except me...cries for everyone...jumps out of my arms and lap to go to someone else and never wants to let go or be taken away drom whomever she is with...could even be total strangers...this is hurtful and embarassing...her grandmother gets a kick out of this because it makes her feel dominate...her father plays on this and tries to act like he isn't but I feel he does

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