I Have 2 Kids And Have To Do Everything Myself

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I Have 2 Kids And Have To Do Everything Myself

by Darci
(all over the US)

I have 2 boys, 2&1/2 and a 4 week old. My husband is away with the Army and for now I am all alone. Every thing seems impossible. Doing the laundry, going to the store and even just taking a shower. I can't carry both of them and my older one likes to run and play chase. I am getting very little sleep and feel like I am at the end of my rope.I need all the help I can get.

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I Have 2 Kids And Have To Do Everything Myself

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Apr 09, 2009

it will be okay
by: Anonymous

just hang in there!

Apr 09, 2009

Exhausted Mom Needs Support
by: Baby Help Line - Annie

Hi Darci,

Your little boys are so cute! But my heart goes out to you, being unsupported at this time is really tough. You will be exhausted, your hormones will be all over the place, which plays havoc with your emotions, and your 2 1/2 year old is at a very demanding age and helping him to adjust to a new baby brother is a hard task.

It is perfectly normal to be exhausted and stressed in your situation, but I am also wondering if you have post natal depression. It could be helpful to see your doctor and see what they recommend.

The other thing is - do you have a family member that could come and stay with you for a couple of weeks to help you get a bit of rest and catch up on things?

I am also wondering what support is available in the Army, I would think they would be well aware of the pressure army wives are under and offer support services. I know when I lived in a remote community in Australia when my children were small, there was wonderful support from other mothers - they had been in exactly the same situation with new babies and no family support.

It can be really hard to ask for help from people when you get so exhausted you can't think straight. But maybe someone could take your older boy for the day and you can nap with your baby and just catch up a bit. Even local church or pastoral services can offer some help, some frozen meals, doing the shopping, or someone to vacuum.

Only do what is most important - keep your energy for feeding baby and reading or playing with your 2yr old. He will be feeling insecure and want lots of attention, and will act up more when he knows you are not available. Make helping a fun game, praise him lots - he can get the diapers for you, make a sandwich (probably a messy one!), gather up clothes and put them in the washing machine. I know it is hard but just take it one day at a time, and remember this exhausting time will pass.

Good luck Darci, I hope you find there are some good support networks available that you just need to reach out to.

Go gently,
Annie Desantis

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Apr 09, 2009
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Submitted by: Baby Help Line - Annie

Title

Comment
Hi Darci, Your little boys are so cute! But my heart goes out to you, being unsupported at this time is really tough. You will be exhausted, your hormones will be all over the place, which plays havoc with your emotions, and your 2 1/2 year old is at a very demanding age and helping him to adjust to a new baby brother is a hard task. It is perfectly normal to be exhausted and stressed in your situation, but I am also wondering if you have post natal depression. It could be helpful to see your doctor and see what they recommend. The other thing is - do you have a family member that could come and stay with you for a couple of weeks to help you get a bit of rest and catch up on things? I am also wondering what support is available in the Army, I would think they would be well aware of the pressure army wives are under and offer support services. I know when I lived in a remote community in Australia when my children were small, there was wonderful support from other mothers - they had been in exactly the same situation with new babies and no family support. It can be really hard to ask for help from people when you get so exhausted you can't think straight. But maybe someone could take your older boy for the day and you can nap with your baby and just catch up a bit. Even local church or pastoral services can offer some help, some frozen meals, doing the shopping, or someone to vacuum. Only do what is most important - keep your energy for feeding baby and reading or playing with your 2yr old. He will be feeling insecure and want lots of attention, and will act up more when he knows you are not available. Make helping a fun game, praise him lots - he can get the diapers for you, make a sandwich (probably a messy one!), gather up clothes and put them in the washing machine. I know it is hard but just take it one day at a time, and remember this exhausting time will pass. Good luck Darci, I hope you find there are some good support networks available that you just need to reach out to. Go gently, <a href="http://www.easybabylife.com/annie-desantis.html">Annie Desantis</a>

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Apr 10, 2009

Thank you!
by: Darci

Thank you for your support! the army is now letting my husband come see us on the weekends and that helps a lot. and surprisingly i am learning little tricks every day. it dose not seem nearly as hard as it was. and now this week we found out that our next duty station is going to be in Germany we leave in the end of July and will be gone for 4 years. Things are realy seeming to look up.

Apr 10, 2009

Two tips
by: Baby Help Line - Paula

Hi Darcy,

Just wanted to add two tips on a very practical level. My two youngest are only 18 months apart and even though my husband wasn't away like yours he did travel a lot.

One item that became indispensable was my Baby Bjorn Active Carrier. I could carry my newborn in it and still do a lot things. I remember I even breastfed in the carrier while cooking diner a few times. ;-D I simply lowered the carrier far enough to make it possible for my baby to reach the nipple. I know it sounds crazy, but it can actually work!

The other thing was to always have a lot of fruit available for the older child. Especially in the afternoon and before diner, she got tired and winy and fruit made a huge difference.

Third, by the way, co-sleep in a safe manner with your newborn if it means you gain sleep hours. I actually fell asleep breastfeeding quite often, and thereby gain a lot of sleep compared to sitting up.

That was just a few tips I wanted to share. Congratulations to your two wonderful children!

Paula