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Submitted by: Anonymous

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If it is his first it may be that he is just nervous because he is still small but try and get him involved at bath time and do it together or get him to burp him, change him or suggest that he can give him evening bottle (if you are not breastfeeding). If he is nervous then do it with him until he gets the hang of it. All these littles things will help and in no time he will be bonding with his son. Hope this helps. Good luck!

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Submitted by: Baby Help Line - Annie

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Hi Susan, Having a new baby in the house is a huge adjustment. You will be exhausted, your hormones are all over the place as they settle back down, and you are trying to figure out how to handle a newborn baby. Of course you want your husband to help with practical things around the house and also with your new baby. I suspect he is probably feeling pretty overwhelmed himself, the responsibility of being a parent, probably the only income provider for a while, and many men are terrified of tiny babies. Your husband will also be adjusting to not being the center of your world - when a baby comes along a Mom turns all her attention to attending the needs of a little one, and many men find that hard to get used to! Unless men have grown up around babies, they often have no idea what to do or how to handle them, and are scared they will hurt them. They often play a bigger role when babies get to the toddler stage. My first husband was like that, where in the beginning he was too scared to pick up a little one, and even months later immediately handed her back if she so much as looked like crying. You both have a big learning curve and adjustment, and need to just try to relax into it all as it gets a bit familiar. Try to talk to him when you are not feeling so angry and hurt and he will be a bit more open to hearing what you say. Try to explain it is a partnership, and you are exhausted and need his help with specific things. Ask him what he he would be prepared to take responsibility for over the next few months. Maybe he can cook 3 nights per week, maybe he can fold the washing when he gets home, maybe he can take baby for a walk while you cook dinner. He probably has no idea what to do, and just feels like he is failing you and you are always annoyed with him. Part Two Follows! <a href="http://www.easybabylife.com/annie-desantis.html">Annie Desantis</a>

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Submitted by: Baby Help Line - Annie

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Continued from Part One: You husband also needs time to learn to handle baby, and you can pop baby onto him in the mornings in the weekend and gurgle and talk to your baby so he gets to learn how to interact with her/him. Pop baby in his arms saying you are just going to have a shower, or put on a load of washing. The more he can get used to cuddling the baby, the more he will bond and get comfortable with her/him. Teach him how to pat babies back or bottom to sooth if baby is crying. You probably instinctively know a lot of things to try when your baby is crying, Men often just find it overwhelmingly distressing as they hate feeling helpless! Share with him the lovely times, when baby makes eye contact, when baby smiles. Share the wonder of all those tiny toes, the wrinkles in the knees. Make sure you share as much of the joy of it all, this time is totally exhausting, but also one of the most incredible times of your life. When your husband does do things for you make sure you tell him how much you appreciate it, and he will be much more likely to do it again! Talk nonsense talk to baby, tell her/him look, there's your Daddy, aren't we lucky having Daddy, are you going to look like Daddy when you grow up? You've got Daddy's nose ...... that kind of thing, so your husband feels included and special. If your husband is a reader, get some baby books out from the library, or share with him stories about stages in development. This site has a wealth of information you can share with him so he starts to learn how your baby is growing and what to expect. Most of all though, dnjoy this time with your new baby, it goes very quickly! All the best, <a href="http://www.easybabylife.com/annie-desantis.html">Annie Desantis</a>

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