Breast feeding and Sleeping

by Anonymous

Ok.. my daughter has just turned one today! I tried to wean her off the breast at six months but she loved it so much she would starve herself until she got it and I didn't have the strength.. so here I am.

She takes the bottle sometimes during the day but nothing settles her at night except breast feeding to sleep. On top of that I'm exhausted, I hate hearing her cry for me so I always go to her, she wants to comfort suck from 11 pm onwards EVERY HOUR OF THE NIGHT; I HAVE TO BE THERE FEEDING HER TIL SHE DROPS OFF.

I'm going crazy.

I want to wean her and get her sleeping through the night in the least emotionally distressing way for both of us. I haven't been out for the night in a year because she won't settle for anyone else not even daddy and wakes up screaming for me. Help!!!

Baby Help Line Response:

Hi exhausted mom! And happy birthday to your daughter!

I feel so much you! I was in your situation with one of or kids (and a little bit with one of the others) when she was 10 months old. She woke up every hour to breastfeed and it almost drove me mad. Once we made up our minds, though, we managed to fix the situation in just three days.

You really should not even try to solve this alone. In my experience it is sooo hard, both for mom and the baby to change such a strong habit. Especially since you both know that the breast is there.

Instead, dad will have some exhausting nights...

You want to wean her as gently as possible, which I think is a good ambition. What we did was to decide that from now on dad is responsible for the nights. He started being the first to attend to our daughter every time she cried. Since we don't like the cry it out method at all, we also decided that if our baby cried hard for more than 5 minutes, she would be allowed to nurse. Surprisingly, - very much so - three nights later, she only woke up twice a night. One month later she slept through the night.

Some babies will be harder to convince than others. Your daughter may very well put up a bigger fight than our did. Another mom that tried this method had to sleep in another room with ear plugs. For them it didn't work to be very gentle. The first night their son cried for an hour, the second for 40 minutes, the third for 20 minutes and then the new habit was accepted. Dad in that family almost thought he would give up, but since the mom was so exhausted, on the verge of being depressed, they knew they had to break the habit.

Another couple had a son who didn't accept a pacifier. That mom thought that she would never get rid of the night feedings. But after a week with dad taking care of putting the baby to bed both in the evening and a night, their son slept really well with dad. The first few evenings were hard though, since the boy had to learn how to fall asleep in dad's arms instead of nursing.

I'd say you are in the same situation. The nighttime feedings have to go, at least most of them.

It might seem strange that the babies don't continue to wake up, now for dad's arms rather than for nursing, but they don't. Don't ask me why, but once the feedings are gone, babies seem to think it not being worth while to wake up.

Of course, nightmares, worries etc will still make your baby wake up, maybe even more than once per night in periods. But not every hour. I can almost guarantee you that. (And then both you can help out, which is also a great relief.)

Since it might be a few tough nights for all of you, I recommend that you start the new routine on a Thursday night. (If you and/or dad work Monday to Friday). This way dad will be dead tired at work on Friday, but he will have two days when he can rest at daytime. On Sunday night, things have hopefully improved.

I really wish you good luck! Today is a Wednesday - why not have your husband read this and then start tomorrow? If you're determined, the whole family will soon have much better nights (and days, with a happier mom...)

/Paula

(And do come back and write a short update on how you did it and how long it took, I'm sure many other moms would be grateful.)

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