8 Month Old Baby Still Not Sleeping Through The Night
by Asya
(Oklahoma)
OK, my problem is: I'm exhausted.
My baby used to sleep through the night, but now she wakes up every 3-4 hours, sometimes even more often and will cry hysterically until I pick her up. Then she will only calm down if I nurse her.
Very rarely, I get her calm by rubbing her back or belly. If I'm lucky she'll fall asleep at my breast and I quietly move her back to her crib which is in a separate room. Sometimes she will start crying within 30 mins after that and then the same scenario... Sometimes I get a couple of hours of rest before the next fit.
I tried letting her cry it out, checking on her every 5-10 mins but she would just cry louder everytime I left the room and when I picked her up, her crying just broke my heart and her little tummy was shaking. I would nurse her then and she would become quiet but her tummy would shake rhythmically. I would let her cry it out again but I'm scared to hurt her, physically and mentally. I have no idea what I'm doing to her when I let her cry. If I knew for sure, she would be fine, I'd do it again and be consistent this time.
She does not have too much trouble napping, she usually takes two naps a day, each one at least an hour up to 2,5 hours.
She's always been a healthy and happy baby. She eats 3 meals during the day and I started giving her snacks couple of days ago. She has already the bottom two teeth and I'm not sure if she's getting the top ones yet.
I'm staying at home with her and I hardly get any rest since I don't have any family or friends around here to help me out. My husband goes to school at night and works full-time so he's not much help either. What can I do to help her sleep better? I slowly but surely cannot take the mornings after anymore.
Comments for
8 Month Old Baby Still Not Sleeping Through The Night
I'm sorry you are getting so exhausted. It is hard when a baby changes sleeping patterns but I'm afraid it is par for the course! Some babies sleep through the night from an early age, some never do until they are toddlers! (mine didn't!)
She may well be teething, she may be going through a hungry phase, she may be scared and frightened.
I also suspect because you are exhausted and feeling stressed your baby is picking up on it and wanting more reassurance that you are available for her. And it becomes a vicious circle - the more demanding she is the more frustrated you get, and the more she is worried you are not really there for her.
I am not a proponent of letting babies cry themselves to sleep. I believe babies cry for a reason and if they need attention and reassurance then it is important to give it. However, if you are getting so exhausted and frustrated that you have no reserves left then you need to make yourself a priority.
I realize your husband is working hard too, both working and at school, but the well being of yourself and your baby has to come first for a short time. It is very hard when a baby usually only wants Mom, but even if he can do an evening shift, or early morning a couple of times per week to give you a bit more sleep. Maybe he can get up early with her and do the breakfast run and you can get an extra hour.
The other thing is when she naps, you nap. It doesn't matter what else needs doing, you HAVE to get rest when you can or you are no good to anyone. She will settle back down into a different routine in time, so for the short term, you must get sleep when she does.
Also just check in your area if there are services available. When my children were tiny, there was a service called parentport, where a Mom could take the baby for the day or overnight and go and sleep in a sound proofed room. Even one good night's sleep is an incredible help!
See if there are baby playgroups around, find other Mom's who know how you feel, or may offer to swap babysitting for a couple of hours so you can take a Nap.
You must look after yourself so you can be available to enjoy your little girl - she needs a happy Mom to play with her and teach her things and reassure her when she is uncomfortable.
Two answers fro the price of one :-D by: Baby Help Line - Paula
Hi Asya,
I couldn't resist answering you as well, because I can totally relate to your situation. When our daugther was 10 months old she woke up every hour to breastfeed. My husband travelled a lot and I was staying at home. Thought I was going to loose my mind!
But with the help of my husband, our daughter went from waking up every hour to maybe once per night in only three nights. Admittedly she was a bit older than your girl, but you can always try...
What we did one Thursday evening was to decide that from now on the first person to care for our daughter at night was dad. I put in earplugs and he got to sleep next to the crib. We also decided that if our daugter would be sad for more than 5 mintues she would be allowed to breastfeed. (Since she ate so often we had no clue whether she was hungry or not.)
So at night dad picked her up and cuddled her, gave her the pacifier andtried to help her go back to sleep. The first night I think I had to breastfeed twice and my husband probably picked her up every hour. But on the third night she actually only woke up once! It was like magic! No cry-it-out, just no mom and no feeding. (Guess without the suckling there was no point with waking up.)
Sure my husband was tired for a couple of nights, but afterwards we just couldn't believe that we had waited so long. On the night of her first birthday she slept through the night. Not something I would have bet on just two months earlier...
Again, it might be that your daughter is too young to skip every feeding. But even if you only get rid of 50% at first it would be a huge improvement, right?
So, my advice is to take help from you hubby! Even if he works long hours, well, so do you! Work together to help your baby sleep better. And skip the "cry it out", I've heard so many examples of babies actually sleeping worse after that.
Finally, here are the links to two articles; one with sleep tips for mom, one with my review of the "No Cry Sleep Solution", which was one of my life saviors all those sleepless nights.
Thank you so much, everybody. I will try all your tips and I'm not letting my baby cry for longer than a couple of mins anymore. Let's see how it goes. My husband is willing to do a couple of night shifts, so I'm sure we'll work it out. Thank you!
Jul 28, 2009
par for the course by: Anonymous
Honestly, at 10 mos old, this is not a surprise. We went through phases like this with our daughter (that was 20 years ago!).
You and hubby have to take turns, and yes, I agree, you should go to your baby when she needs you.
BUT... if she gets older, I'd say, like 18 mos, and is still doing this, it's time to get tough. We didn't, and our daughter did this right up to age 2, until I (the dad) insisted we not run to her so much anymore. I'd wait 5 minutes, with her crying the whole time, then go to her room and stand near her, but not pick her up. Wait a few minutes, and leave. A bit later, she would cry again. This time, I'd wait 10 minutes and then go. Third time, 15 minutes. USE A WATCH... When a baby is crying, 60 seconds seems like "forever".
The 1st night, I only had to go 3 times. After 3 nights of this, she was done getting up every hour. She got up about once per night after that. MUCH better. But she was up once per night until about age 4, so I really sympathize.
Sorry I can't be more encouraging, but babies and toddlers do this.
Dec 14, 2009
In the Same boat! by: Anonymous
Wow....someone else is going through the same thing I am going through.
Jan 10, 2010
Not the only one!!! by: Tired mommy
I am glad to know that I am not the only one having this problem. I was getting worried that something was wrong with my daughter. Thank you so much for your post. Just knowing that someone else is as exhausted as I am makes this a little easier on the worrying.
Jan 29, 2010
Finally, some answers by: Anonymous
Thank you, Asya, for posting your problem. I am going through the same thing. I have been looking on other websites and some other comments have been so discouraging. I am going to try all of the suggestions on this one. I am a stay at home mom and am still breast feeding my 8 month old. I know it is best for my son, but lately I am reconsidering since I am the only one to soothe him. He wakes up and the only thing to get him to sleep is by feeding him. However, I know he is not hungry and it's more of a comfort thing. When my husband goes up there, he cries shortly but will fall asleep without a feeding. I think I just need to have my husband tough it out some more (after all, I do this every day!). I realize my husband has to get up and go to work but I also "work" when I am home with my baby. Since it's Friday, I am going to make my husband try to tend to him and see if that works. Mommy needs a break sometimes too!
Jan 29, 2010
new update by: Asya
Just to let everybody who's reading this know: my daughter finally started sleeping through the night, waking up once a night at 11 months and sleeping through from 7.30 pm to 7.30-8.00 am. So it's only temporary, stay strong and believe in time! Plus she takes two naps during the day!
Mar 25, 2010
Not Sleeping by: Anonymous
My 8 month old is doing the same thing. We were able to cut the night feedings out by giving him a bottle with water in it. It worked the first night. He woke up and wanted noting to do with the bottle. We were able to sooth him back to sleep. Now he still wakes up at least once, but i honestly think its because he wants to come in bed with us.....whole other habit we need to break. But waking up to feed becomes a habit. Its not that they are hungry. Its habit that breastfeeding soothes them back to sleep. I wouild try the water for a few nights and see if that helps. I wouldnt give too much water though.....maybe just afew ounces. She might not even want it....
Apr 25, 2010
No sleep by: Anonymous
I am so glad that I found this post. I have a 7 (almost 8) month old and she has yet to sleep through the night. She still wakes every 3 hours at night and I honestly feel like I might lose my mind! I never imagined it would go on for this long. I will admit, I can't stand to listen to her cry for very long. I have tried letting her cry once or twice at night but it just doesn't stop and I always end up feeling guilty because of it! My husband insists that I let her cry it out but I just can't do it. I stay home with her so I just can't justify being "tough" with her at night because I'm home with her all day! I pretty much begin each day feeling exhausted. She is a great napper though so I always make an effort to try and sleep when she sleeps. I would appreciate ANY advice on how I can get her to finally sleep through the night.
Aug 11, 2010
still no sleep by: justAmummy
wow.. was so good to read other ideas and to know im not the only one. my daughter is nearly 8 months old, naps 2 times in the day, but started waking up almost 6 times every night. it wears me out. my husband works away for 6 weeks at a time and im also 3and half months pregnant with our second. we wanted them close together. but im am soooooo tired... have headaches all the time and yarn constantly. i have thought that maby she is hungry for food... as we just started giving her food, but she prefers her bottle. i also have the terrible habbit of putting her in my bed at night as this lets her sleep better. also dont know what to do... HELP HOW DO I BREAK THE HABBIT OF HER SLEEPING IN OUR BED? she doesnt want to sleep in her cot.... and cries non stop.
Aug 11, 2010
Go slowly by: Baby Help Line (Paula
Hi JustAmummy,
It is easy to see why you're tired! Just being 3 months pregnant is enough to be exhausted and have headaches. Having an 8 month old baby who doesn't sleep sure doesn't help!
As you have seen from all the comments around here 8-9 months is a time when many babies sleep quite bad. They are in a development stage, realizing that they are a separate person from their moms and many need to see that mom is close very often, both day and night. Many babies at this age want to be carried all the time, will have nothing to do with anyone but mom and can't be left alone even for a minute. The good news is that it won't last forever. Most babies grow out of this before their first birthday and are then quite happy, confident kids until they are around 18 months, which is another development stage.
Regarding your baby's sleep, I wouldn't try to transfer her to her own bed right now, at least if it means her sleeping far away from you. Her sleep is likely to get worse then, meaning you get even less sleep. What you can do, if you have room for it in your bedroom is to take away one side of her crib and attach her bed to yours (with ropes or whatever. Then you can move her over to her bed when she is in deep sleep and still keep a hand close to her to make her feel safe. For many babies this is a great way to transfer to their own bed. You might even be able to put her to sleep there as long as you lay down next to her. Once she sleeps more and better in her bed you can try to put the side back up and move the bed away a bit.
Another possibility is to create a family bed by putting in a third bed between yours and the wall. Then you and your husband can take turns (when he is home) sleeping next to her; the other parent sleeps with ear plugs.(That you can do with her in a crib too next to your bed, of course.)
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