18 Month Old Won't Go To Sleep Alone

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18 Month Old Won't Go To Sleep Alone

by Leanne
(UK)

I have an 18 month old son who just won't go to sleep alone. He was in a good routine and he did go to sleep alone, but this last month or so he just won't.

We have tried story tapes, music, and reading, everything I can think of. But it takes for me or my partner to lay next to his cot for him to go. We have now put him into a bed as he didn't like his cot anymore this hasn't helped either.

Any advice would be greatly received.

Find answers and comments below.

Find more Baby Sleep Tips and Baby Sleep Q&As here:

Baby Help Line Response:

Hi Leanne!

For a start, 18 months is a development period and it is very common that even really good sleepers start waking up at night or refuse to go to bed alone all of a sudden. So your son is normal and you haven't done anything wrong at all. Rather, you seem to be doing a lot of good things to help him!

What is often missing in all those "sleep through the night miracle methods" is that the authors fail to inform their readers that just because a baby learns to fall asleep and stay asleep alone, there are no guarantees that this will continue.

Actually, as children go through their development stages, it is more likely than not that they will have periods when they sleep pretty badly; are scared, have nightmares or simply need to test their parent's limits. Tough but true!

That said, there are still things we parents can do to make these shaky period pass as fast as possible. In your case, my suggestion would be to slowly getting him used to falling asleep further away from you. Continue reading him a bed time story and maybe sing a lullaby. First you move away from his cot just slightly for a couple of days, then you sit up, still close to the bed, then move a little further away from it etc...

Don't make it into a power struggle, but rather let him get used to the new situation slowly. Within a few weeks, you are likely to sit close to the door, reading a book. Not an awful way to spend 30 minutes... Then you can try to get out of his sight, but make sure he can still hear you.

In my experience, this works much better with older babies than trying to play hard ball.

Try it and remember the reason why he is fussing - his mind is expanding and he really can't help it. Within a couple of months he will be calmer again and easier to put to bed. (Only to become fussier again later on...)

Good luck, and please let me know how you are doing.

Paula

Comments for
18 Month Old Won't Go To Sleep Alone

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Jun 18, 2008

sleep help
by: Laurie

Hi! Everyone of my children went through this phase. As they get older there are a host of developmental reasons why this happens. I believe it is primarily because they are now aware that you are not there with them - hence the separation anxiety that correlates with this particular age.

It is a tough scenario and everyone has different feedback on how to handle it. I think you have to do what feels right to you. I will tell you that I learned the first time around that creating a new routine for them (allowing them to fall asleep and then returning them to your room or falling asleep on you or in your room can pose longer term problems for you)

I believe it is best to provide simple reassurance and love. Be quiet and loving and firm and allow them to go back to sleep in their crib and bed. While this may seem cold and harsh it is not. Studies have shown that children that do not learn to self soothe have a history of sleep disturbances and difficulties and that does not even factor in your sleep deprivation and let's face it...does your child deserve you with 4 hours sleep or you with a solid 7!

I hope it works out. It is a really tough time. I remember. Best of luck!

Laurie

Dec 21, 2009

Mee Too- And what I did to fix it.
by: Anonymous

All of a sudden at 18 months my perfect sleeper would be scared to death to go into his crib and he would wail. I couldn't understand it.
So we set up a very strict bedtime routine and when it was time, we would put him in his crib. he would say "nooo" and scream when I laid him down. But I stuck to my guns and gently told him it was sleepy time and left for 3 minutes, then came back, reassured him and left for 5 minutes, came back, reassured him and left for 10 minutes. (Just like in the Richard Ferber book). Usually by them he would fall asleep. We did this at nap time too. After 3-5 days/nights, he was back to his old self of sleeping normally. Now I put him into crib without the whole nighttime routine and he is fine. But wow, we were scared for a few days there!

Feb 12, 2010

same problem!!
by: Brittany

My daughter is now 19 months old, and for the past 6 months, I could lay her in her crib awake and she would fall asleep no problems. Not a peep out of her. She suddenly started waking up screaming bloody murder like she had a nightmare and my husband and I would bring her out to the living room and let her fall asleep again on the couch next to us. We then started letting her go to sleep on the couch, and when we went to bed putting her in her crib. Now... She will not go to her crib at bedtime at all. We let her fall asleep on the couch. When we go to bed we try and put her in her crib and she screams, points to the corner of her room, and shakes her head no. I do not know what is going on with her. I feel guilty because I know that she is scared, and for the sake of our sleep she has been sleeping with us for the past 3 weeks. Please help. I feel like I am torturing her!

Feb 25, 2010

my baby has never slept at night even in the whomb!
by: kelly.uk

hi ,help my baby is now an 18month old toddler and still will not sleep, i noticed even when i was pregnant with her she was active at night ,and i could not sleep! she has never changed, im now getting worried that something could be wrong as she will go all day and night without sleep!

Mar 19, 2010

Same thing!
by: Desert Mom

I am so glad I found this! I thought it was just me!! My son slept in his crib easily from 4 months old to about 3 weeks ago (18 1/2 months now) and I am out of my mind!!

I never wanted to have him cry it out and I didn't know what else to do so I did the 5 minutes, 15 minutes, etc and it has been a week and he still cries until he has fallen asleep standing up in his crib and we have to carefully lay him down (husband can do it, I am too short to not disturb him and he will start all over again!)

I hope we and our babies all get some sleep soon!

Mar 24, 2010

Me too!!!
by: Leah

My 18 month old has been a great sleeper, except for the past 3 weeks. He will cry for 2 hours ( I go in and calm him every 30 mins) and end up giving up and laying down in my bed or a single and getting him to sleep. he will scream his lungs out only at night and will cling to me like a monkey, not wanting to get into his cot. I keep trying to be tough as this has always worked in the past but even after panadol or nueraphen (the Dr told me it is his teeth) nothing will get him to sleep, except his closeness to myself or my husband.

Mar 30, 2010

Growth Spurt?
by: Amanda

Out 19 month old was sleeping fine in her bed until last night. She was ready for bed and when we went to tuck her in she suddenly got a second wind and would, not for the life of us, go down. It was like she was in play mode again. We are thankful knowing now that this is normal after reading these comments. Does anyone know if this could be a 'growth spurt' symptom?

Apr 02, 2010

Not alone
by: Mandy

I am glad to know that this is not only happening to me. My daughter has ALWAYS fell asleep on her own with no problems what so ever! That is until about two weeks ago (she just turned 18 months). Now she cries every night when I walk out of her room, and even wakes up crying at least 5 out of 7 nights a week. I have a bedtime routine, have tried crying it out, soothing her, and even standing in there until she goes to sleep. I feel like I am losing my mind and I am exhausted!!! Hopefully my good sleeper will be back soon!!

Apr 08, 2010

My daughter is the same
by: Chel

Hi,
My 18 month old daughter is going through the same issues. She has always slept through the night even at birth. She has been a perfect baby. However, the separation anxiety and the not wanting to go to bed, waking up at night screaming first occurred at 16 months and lasted about 2 weeks. It seemed to be related to her first set of 4 double teeth coming through. Once the first of the 4 cut, her sleeping behaviour returned to normal where we would say good night to dad and the animals I would place her in bed and walk out of the room. You would not hear from her again until morning. The unsettled bed time mostly at night but a little through the day has now come back at 18 months. Unfortunately this time it is worse than before. I am hoping it is related to more teeth cutting and she will return to "normal" in 2 weeks just like last time. Last time all I had to do was sit in her room for a little bit and sneak out. This time I have to pretend to sleep in the single bed in her room until she falls into a deep sleep. If this is a pattern of every 2 months I am not looking forward to the 20 month stage. Good luck to everyone.

Apr 14, 2010

Nearly 19 Months and Won't Go To Bed
by: Anonymous

Like all the other Mom's I am struggling with my son, who was a great sleeper, no longer going to bed without Mom or Dad. One month ago, we moved him into a new room in preparation for a new baby (arriving in less than 3 weeks) and he did great and now for nearly 2 weeks he screams as we even approach the crib. We have let him cry it out for over 2 hours (going in every 30 min or so) and he doesn't give in. The minute you take him out, he will put his head down on your shoulder and fall asleep, but when you go to put him back in his crib - we start the entire routine again. Do I let him cry (note: there are no tears...so I believe he is just mad)for hours or do I go in more frequently?? Each time I go in, I think he is more disappointed when I leave and cries more. With the new baby coming...I am very nervous that my good little sleeper will never return! HELP!

Apr 15, 2010

To anonymous w baby due
by: Paula (Baby Help Line)

Hi,

With a new baby due in only a few weeks, it is very easy to understand that you want your 18 months old to sleep in his own bed and his own room. However, since it doesn't work right now (and 18 months is actually a common age for babies/toddlers to need their parents at night for comfort), can you think of other strategies? Since you are feeling so stressed about it, your son is very likely to pick up your emotions and become worried too - and hence resist sleeping in his own bed and on his own even more.

Is there any way you can have your son sleep between you and your hubby and keep a cradle for your new baby next to your bed? Or would it be possible for your partner to sleep with your son for a while and you sleep with the new baby?

Another option could be to get a toddler bed or even a mattress on the floor in your son's room, so that one of you can lay down with him when he falls asleep. Hopefully then he will remain there for at least part of the night and when he needs you at night one of you can either go there to sleep with him or can move over to that bed if he sleeps in yours (if your bed becomes too crowded).

Since the birth of you new baby is coming up so soon, I think the most important thing right now is to find a "quick fix" that is acceptable for all of you, including your son. There are huge changes ahead of him anyway, so having to be "rejected" and forced to sleep alone might not be the best timing. See it as a transition period where all of you will get used to being a bigger family. A lot of families keep moving around between beds at night, to make sure as many as possible get a decent amount of sleep. It is quite comical when you think about it.

We have three children now. I think the best advice I ever got from an experienced mom was to let go of all my ideas about how things should be and settle with "good enough". If as many family members (including mom!) gets as many of there needs fulfilled, thinks will work out pretty fine. So find alternative ways right now to arrange the nights and deal with teaching your son to sleep alone later on. It might even go automatically when he is ready for it.

Warm wishes,

Paula

Apr 16, 2010

19 MONTH OLD REFUSES TO GO TO BED
by: Anonymous

Hi
My 19 month old son won't sleep of a night either. I didn't know what was happening but after reading all of these comments i am so glad it isn't just my son. He is a great sleeper during the day but come bed time at night he just screams. He is sooo tired but is just refusing to go to bed. For the last 3 nights he has been falling asleep on me in front of the Tv and then i am putting him into bed, then he is waking up about 3 times a night. Hopefully we will all get some sleep soon.

Apr 16, 2010

Little to No Sleep
by: Deb

I commented the other day about my nearly 19 month old who suddenly refused to sleep. From what I have been reading, it seems that children generally between the ages of 18-19 months may be on the verge of talking and therefore are experiencing a hard time "quieting" their minds at night and cannot express it any other way except through the screaming. It is torture for us as well especially as we are due with our 2nd 2 weeks from today. Two nights ago it took him over 2 hours (I used the Ferber method) and he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep (YEAH) - last night we repeated the Ferber method and it took only 30 minutes. Sadly he woke up a few hours later and we didn't have it in us to continue - so in with us he came. I know we are sending a mixed message, but in the end you have to do what works best for where you are at in your life. Personally I don't mind our son with us, but I do need some personal time in the evening and I think it is important that the child knows how to put himself to sleep as I can only imagine that this may be something that they carry with them for their entire lives.

Apr 29, 2010

NEED SLEEP
by: Skye

Hey everyone i am totally relieved to read your comments as my 20 month (just) is refusing to go to sleep without me next to his bed he is also waking at least 3 to 4 times a night to get in to my bed. As it is Just him and I I didn't really mind at the start but have returned to work and finding it extremely difficult to get up and motivated in the morning the to return to doing house work etc and going through the whole night drama thing again!! I am nearly pulling my hair out and was wondering if anyone has tried anything that has worked?? I am letting him cry it out as i type and it is ripping me to peices, am I doing the right thing or do i need to look at othr options? Since being back at work he has NOT slept through one night at all :( Your thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks

Jun 16, 2010

19 month old wont go to bed alone
by: megan

I've had to rock my daughter to sleep every night and at nap time since she was born. She's now 19 months old and i've been trying to get her to fall asleep by herself in her crib, but as soon as she sees me trying to put her in the crib, she freaks out. I've been just letting her cry it out, and it seems to be working (at first she cried for an hour straight every time), but lately it's only been about 10 - 20 minutes before she falls asleep. I really hope this means i'm doing the right thing. It's just heartbreaking to stand there and listen to her cry and scream and not do anything to comfort her. Good Luck to all.

Jul 09, 2010

My Son cries loud and throws up every night
by: Anonymous

I have the same problem all the writers have described above. My 18 months old Son won't go to sleep on his own and in addition to that, he cries so loud when we put him in the crib that he ends throwing up his food every night. My husband goes and see him every 5 to 10 minutes, but it just makes it worse. It makes me worry he is going to lose weight and create a bad habit, since he is probably learning to make himself to throw up. What do we do? HELP PLEASE

Jul 13, 2010

Not fun
by: Anonymous

Its not a fun time is it. My daughter is 19 months old and she has beeb sleeping fine. She for the last week has been refusing the cot for day sleeps and night. You try and take her to the cot and she wakes up and starts crying. The naps have gone on for a week she she just sleeps in our bed. But the night sleeps for the last 2 nights have been in our bed. Its just easier hey. But I would rather her sleep in her bed, im just not big on crying it out. And while im on the topic of this age she is petrified of the bath, shower. Its a fun age hey. Any advice is good. Been reading and I think i might put in a toddler bed in her room and she can pick where she wants to sleep (that might help) - I just didnt want to move her this quick but if it works well who am i to complain

Jul 27, 2010

SO GLAD I READ THIS.
by: SHARRON

My little girl turned 18 months on Saturday, since that day she has turned into a demon and won't sleep. I'm typing this now listening to her scream her lungs out!! She always went to sleep so well. I would put her down with a bottle and off she would go till 7.30-8.30am. Now she will only go to sleep on me or my husband, but as soon as you go to put her in her cot off she goes screaming. Like most people i assumed it was teething or feeling unwell. So i would go and comfort her. I have rightly or wrongly just played hardball and she is now quiet (for now).

I thought it was me or something had scared the hell out of her at night. But just a baby trying to assert her independance, so pleased i read this!!

And to the rest of you good luck!

Jul 28, 2010

comfort your little cryers
by: Tash

My daugter is 21 months old and I have always soothed her to sleep since day one. If she needs me, I'm there for her. I believe our children cry for us because they need us. The reason babies who cry it out go to sleep eventually is not becasue the need subsides but they realize they can no longer count on their parents for whatever they need. They lose trust and learn their voice is no longer valuable enough to be paid attention to. How heartbreaking is that? There is a reason why mom's hert is breaking while she listens to her baby crying for her. Its called instict and a mother's instinct is very powerful and very accurate. We were designed to comfort. I know how hard it is, I still get up with my daughter at least twice a night but I know the investment I am putting into her, will benifit her with confidence and compassion towrd others in her future. Cjildren who are comforted learn to comfort others later in life. Also, we need to help our children to have a healthy positive experience with going to sleep because it will stay with them into their lives. I highly recommend Dr.Sears book - Attatchment parenting, and a lot of his other books for that matter.
All the best to all you mommy's out there and hang in there, it will pass and you'll feel so good knowing you followed your heart :)

Aug 02, 2010

My 22 month old and going to sleep
by: Yvette Melia

It is so nice to know that you are not the only Mum having issues with a toddler going to sleep. My daughter, was a great sleeper and that changed about 3 months ago. Now, she will only settle if I am in her room holding her hand. This can take up to an hour every night. It seemed silly to be having to lie down by her cot for over and hour until she went to sleep so I left her on her own last week and let her cry it out for over 2 hours, using Dr Green method of going back in every few minutes. She eventually went to sleep only to wake up vomiting 2 hours later. She was sick 4 times over the next 2 hours. I can only put this down to the mess she got herself in. Since reading this site I have decided that holding her hand is actually not a bad thing but I am going to try and move further away every few days to see if I can break the cycle

Aug 23, 2010

Relief!
by: Anonymous

I have been going crazy trying to figure out what happened to my good sleeper. I have tried all the methods and honestly, the only thing that works is letting him sleep with me and getting up sometimes several times a night and going into the other room while he calms down. Let's all pray that this is just a stage as it seems to be happening around the 18-19 month mark. Good luck everyone!

Aug 25, 2010

SLEEPING alone - will it ever happen again :)
by: Anonymous

My 18 month old grandson - will not go to sleep unless myself or his mom lays down with him. After he falls asleep we can get up and go to our own bed but every night he will wake up at least twice and come to one of our beds. The only time he will sleep soundly all night is if someone is laying with him throughout the night. We figured out too, that when he sleeps soundly, we sleep soundly and we don't have a cranky kid the next day around 5ish.. because of being sleepy.. so we do what we can to get sleep and for them to get the hours they need as well. They are only toddlers for so long They DO grow out of it.. My kids are 22 and 13 - and you miss those days of snuggling.. so snuggle away.. you wont' regret it... if anything one day you will miss it.!!

Aug 25, 2010

18 Month Old Won't Go To Sleep Alone
by: JeanBean1977

OMG, I'm so glad I found all these comments. My husband and I (well, really, mostly me) have been going crazy the last few weeks! Our son is 19 months old today and has been exhibiting the same symptoms for the last few weeks. I really hope this ends soon - I'm at my wits' end here obsessing over whether my son is ok (or hungry, or teething, or growing, or having nightmares, or just being ornery for the heck of it). I'm so glad to know this is a normal phase and will eventually end. My only real worry is that I won't recognize the end of the phase and the beginning of him wanting the same bedtime rocking that's been getting...

Aug 26, 2010

to last anonymous on aug 25
by: Anonymous

I love your perspective you have with your grandson. You've already been through all this and have adult children so you know that it does end. Thats what so many people with grown children tell me, to enjoy those nights of snuggling and nurturing because it aches when its all over and you would almost do anything to get it back. I try to see it that way and I just enjoy it so much with my 22 month old daughter who still sometimes walks quietly into our room at night and either crawls into her little bed we have made for her on the floor or if she really needs some closeness, she crawl in with us and we just love it. We have an open bed policy and she has the security to know its always there if she needs it. I know I always feel more confident and can accomplish a lot more out of my comfort zone if I know I have someone or something to fall back on if I need it. It being left on your own and thrown into something that traumatizes people and makes them feel overwhelmed and insecure. Thanks for your imput and good reminder Grandma!

Warmly
Tash

Sep 17, 2010

18 month old
by: Anonymous

my 18 month old has always been a good sleeper on average 12 hours at night(7 til 7) i have a good bedtime routine and i havent changed it at all so its something she is used too. for the past 4 weeks she wont sleep its like she thinks its a nap rather than a full night sleep she wakes up on average 4 to 5 times a night resulting in me being on the couche with her and only gettin 4 hours sleep if that!!! it doent seem to e calming down on its own and i cant bring myself to let her cry herself to sleep she just becomes hysterical. I have just moved house a few weeks ago and wondered if that could be whats triggered it or just that i have fallen into the trap of giving in and now she knows i will answer and comfort her or lay down with her either in bed or on the couche. Her dad has tried too, to make it easier but same happens with him. No sleep! any advice please?

Sep 23, 2010

I overcame this!!
by: Carla

I wanted to comment on here because my 18 month old was going thru exactly the same thing. He was petrified to be in the crib and was sleeping with us because of this. After researching some ways to help fix this I found this site and was so relieved to see so many other moms and dads going through the exact same thing. I was glad to learn it was a phase!

THe other night I decided to change up bedtime a bit. After bathtime my son usually has his sippy cup and we watch 1/2hr of cartoons in my bed... well After bath time I shut my bedroom door and turned the TV off... this threw him because my bedroom was not an option. He got upset and clung to his blanky and my leg. So we changed the sheets in his crib together and made it so nice and new and fresh in there... I put a tiny travel pillow that I use at night in the crib with him for my scent to be with him.

So I pulled the rocking chair next to his crib and set up our Laptop at eye level for him with his favorite cartoon on it (on top of a storage tub). He screamed for about 2 minutes but then realized that I was sitting next to him. He would not sit though. I got his flouride that he gets at night (he loves the taste) and he quickly sat down to get get his flouride. He has a rainforest soother that he pushes the button and it turns on and he immediately turned it on after his flouride. I sat in the rocking chair, he laid his head down in the crib, watched his show with his sippy cup of milk and in about 10 minutes he was sleeping! I HAD DONE IT! It was an amazing feeling. He did wake in the middle of the night, but the wimper from his room was nothing like the Bloody Murder screams that were coming from there! Good Luck all you Moms...this phase is tough!!! Try making some changes and involve your little one in them too! Let him pick his sheets or his blanky to go in there! Hope everyone gets thru this and get some sleep in the near future.

Sep 27, 2010

I Survived!
by: Deb

I had found this blog when my older son was 18 months and we were getting little to no sleep - with another baby on the way. Just a bit of encouragement to all the Mom's (and Dad's) that are going through this now...it does end, you will have your evenings back!! After our 2nd son was born (now 5 months old) our older boy seemed to get through whatever the phase was and now some mornings I have to wake him to get ready for daycare. There is a light at the end of the tunnel....promise!

Oct 06, 2010

Roll with it
by: Sam

We have the same and as I'm not prepared to put training processes I've decided to stop worrying about it. I lay next to our daughter whilst she goes to sleep each night and enjoy the rest. It'll pass like all the other phases. Good luck all.

Oct 06, 2010

I so agree with the last comment!!
by: Anonymous

Its cool to read about your aproach because I have been thinking the same thing lately! Our daughter will be two this month and she has always had the security of having us there if she needs us. Weused to lay beside her and slowly got a little farther away, without any crying (if she cried, I would take it as a sign that it was too fast for her) and now I just leave her door open and she can see me on the computer or puckering around the house from her room and goes to sleep like that. She still usually comes into our room in the middle of the night and goes to sleep in her "special" bed on the floor beside us. I'm not into the training idea's either, I just let her communicate what she needs and I enjoy each phase, even if they are a little tiring : )

Oct 21, 2010

In the same situation
by: Anonymous

I have a 19 month old boy who's been a great sleeper! Last night he refused to go to bed alone, just started screaming bloody murder.

He had a phase just like this one in April so I know it will pass! I just sat down next to his crib until he calmed down, then laid down on the floor and held his hand through the crib slats. It took about an hour total for him to go to sleep. I'll do the same thing tonight if he needs me, and I'm sure it will be shorter than an hour this time.

I am not going to listen to my baby scream until he vomits, that is not what I consider good parenting. I am also not going to break his routine and take him out of his crib. When he went through this in April I made it a rule that he had to stay in his crib, but I would lay on the floor, sit in the room, hold his hand, whatever it took, and he would eventually go to sleep. The phase only lasted 2 weeks.

I think that sticking to the same routine you have always had adds to the sense of security and will make this phase pass quicker. I also think that you have to leave them in their crib while you comfort them, otherwise you are probably going to end up in a bad cycle that takes months and months to break.

I hope this helps someone! This is my second baby, my first needed tons of attention and basically didn't sleep well until she was 2 1/2, so I'll take these phases over waking up several times per night for years!

Nov 04, 2010

18 month old daughter will not sleep
by: Topaz

Since she was 2 weeks old we have had a set routine in our home! dinner, warm bath, milk, then time for bed! this has worked wonders and she has been sleeping thru the night since she was 2 weeks old.. lucky you would say, until this past week! She is now 18months old and refuses to go to sleep!!! She screams at the top of her lungs every night! no fever, dry diaper, etc. etc. As soon as my husband or i walk into her room she stops crying and lays down. lately my husband has either slept on her floor or she has slept in the bed with us. I am clueless on what else to do!! She has a lamp, music and her "lovie" like she does every night, but nothing seems to work!

Please help! my once perfect routine is now not so perfect!

Nov 08, 2010

Ease Back In Slowly
by: Anonymous

Topaz,

You will get back to your routine. Look at how all of the other Mom's have coped. I am amazed that your child has been sleeping so well since a young age, but now her mind is likely going a mile a minute - with little ability to express herself except through crying. Also, perhaps she has molars coming in. One way to get back to your routine is to do what you are doing, but each night spend a little less time. Eventually, you should be able to go in and just give her a kiss and she should go back down. Give it some time though...it will pass. Promise!

Dec 20, 2010

pleased to of found were not alone!
by: emm

wow, im so happy to see were not not alone as i thiught we had done something wrong! my daughter is 20 months and slept through from 2 weeks old so to have this waking for hours on end screaming is exhausting! (we know we have been lucky) although my first child was a bad sleeper! all of a sudden she wont go in her cot day time or night time, she dropped her day sleep of 1 1/2 hours and is awake for at least 3 hours a night for the last 4 nights so she must be a tired as us bless her, weve done controlled crying every night and we leave door open now with light on in hall and this helps as she doesnt scream as much. It just seems like shes so scared to go in her cot as soon as i mention bedtime could it be night terrors and now shes scared or does she just want to be with us??? any advise please?X

Dec 20, 2010

please dont let your terrified child CIO
by: Anonymous

This is the age for night terrors. If she slept well before and she is screaming now, I relly believe it is not the time to leave her crying. (Well, I dont really think its ever the way to go but especially not if the child is terrified.) It sounds like she is trying to tell you she needs you, your comfort and reassurance, not for you to leave her alone right now. Security is always the best foundation for them, not just falling asleep because there is no other option. Like any investment, the more you put in, the more you get later in life. Its not a quick return but in the teen years, you really see the benefits of their attachment with you and the security and trust they have for you :)

Dec 22, 2010

in the same boat
by: Shae

It is so great to see that i'm not the only one going through this situation! My perfect sleeper has at 18months decided she hates her cot. During the day she sleeps on her little fold out couch in the loungeroom (its the only way she would sleep during the day), and now we have had to resort to using it at night. I've tried to let her 'cry it out', lasted a total of about 5 mins, I couldn't deal with the hysterics and there was no way she would go to sleep in that state. Some nights some things work, and others they dont and i have to try something different. For example some nights she will lie in her cot while i read to her, others if I even put her in the cot she starts up before i've even left the room or picked up a book. Some nights a bottle in bed works, some nights a very late bedtime. She has slept in our bed, slept on her couch on the floor beside us, we have slept on the floor in her room.. we have tried everything. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't.
My main advice is to be flexible, don't stress, cause they will pick up on it. Does it really matter if your child goes to bed at 7 on the dot, or if she lies next to you? Of course this has only been happening for about 2 weeks, things might change, and like all of you i'm hoping it passess quickly, I might have a different attitude in a months time!
I've never used a strict rountine and that has worked fine for me, so I suppose theres no point in starting now!

Dec 22, 2010

Nothing has ever worked
by: Anon

My 18mth old daughter has only ever slept through 3 times in her little life so far. Never have a problem putting her in her cot but she only sleeps for 1.5 hours at a time. We settle her and same thing happens again. Come the early hours of the morning I give up and bring her in with me. We've tried every technique going. I keep reassuring myself that although I am sleep deprived beyond belief it won't last forever (well I hope not anyway). Nice to know we're not alone.

Dec 23, 2010

To last comment
by: Anonymous

Would you get more sleep if you just brought her into your bed after her first wake up? That's what we did with our daughter for the longest time. Eventually she started waking up later and sleeping for longer periods so she doesn't come in until very early morning now. Maybe she just needs the security of being nestled next to mama:) Best of wishes to you!! Hope you get more sleep!

Jan 10, 2011

Ooh - it's a phase is it?!
by: Paddsy

Brilliant I'm so glad I've found this. I'm sitting here at 4am on the floor in my 19 month old DS2's room after he's woken up screaming. He wont go down in his cot for naps or for bedtime without someone in the room, if we do leave him he screams so hard that its obvious that he's just going to get overtired and just make it harder for himself. He's always been very good about sleeping, with the occasional extra-early morning when we've brought him into our bed (so he doesn't wake DS1). He's been in the 'bad' phase since Christmas when we were staying at my in-laws, so I think the traveling has triggered it, but I'm glad to read that others have experienced it too, and we just need to ride it out.

DS1 went through a similar thing when he was 2 yrs, but my mum had just died and we assumed it was tension in the family etc etc. We just sat with him in the room (never got him out of the cot) and moved further and further away towards the door each night. It took a few weeks, and sometimes for an hour and a half each time. Which is why we take the lap top in with us to get some stuff done! Eventually I explained to him that I would be next door in my room reading a book, and I did that for a few nights, and after that it was all over! He was a bit older though and easier to explain things to him, it'll be interesting to see what happens with DS2. good luck to all the other mums, I'll try and post when this is over!

Jan 16, 2011

17month old wont sleep in her cot anymore!!
by: becca

I am so glad i found this site, I thought there was only me. my 17 month has always been a brilliant sleeper from being about 5months she has slept through from 8pm til 9pm but for the past week she has had a throat and ear infection and now when i put her in her cot she screams and screams soooo much and tries to cling to me and just refuses to lie down in her cot. i have tried to leave her and even left her for 40min an she still screamed and when i go into her room she is stood up shaking like she is petrified but as soon as she comes in our bed she will sleep straight away but i don't want to get her used to sleeping with us. I'm hoping its just because she is ill or just going through a quick phase! Cant cope like this forever! lol!

Someone told me she may have had a nightmare and now be scared to go in her cot and told me to get her a bed but think she to young yet. oh well hopefully things be back to normal soon!

Glad its not just us though!!

Jan 18, 2011

21 month old hates bed!
by: Anonymous

Thank God I found these posts. My DD of 21 months had been sleeping brilliantly since she was a few weeks old. Her usual sleep was 2-3 hours in the day and 12-13 hours at night. Suddenly and I mean over night she hates bed , says 'no bed' when she sees her bed and wakes 3 or 4 times at night. It is like she just can't switch off.

I've tried everything from crying it out to staying with her to going back in every 5-10 minutes and nothing is working. She will only sleep if she can sleep with us. I'm hoping this phase ends soon. Does anyone who has been through this have any ideas on how long this might last for?

Jan 21, 2011

No longer confused
by: Anonymous

Hello,
Wow. I was really wondering what was going on with my 19 month old daughter. She has been sleeping in my bed since she was about 4 months old, never a great sleeper, always woke up at least 2 to 3 times a night.

On Christmas Eve she came down with a bad flu and of course through the illness she was stuck to me like glue. When she finally got over the flu, the night sleeping suddenly became just terrible. She now wakes up every two hours (last night it was almost every hour until 3am, then she slept till about 7am) but each time she wakes up she screams as if she was in horrible pain... I thought it was teething at first, gave her some Advil but nope, that didn't help. The only thing i know that somewhat helps her sleep better is if she touches my hair (she has had a fascination with my hair for half her life) and so what usually ends up happening is her hand is in my hair as I lie awake trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. Its hard, it was always tough with her, but now its even worse. My husband does not help at all at night, so I am stuck dealing with this on my own, plus I work so staying focused in the office is not so easy these days :(

I really hope this passes really soon... but I guess this is what raising little toddlers is all about.
Oh and like someone else who commented above, she is now PETRIFIED of taking a bath, even if I hold her in my arms! She used to love taking showers with me, now its sounds like I'm trying to skin her alive or something. Crazy.

Good luck to everyone and take comfort in the fact that we are not alone in this.

Jan 29, 2011

**whew** i feel so much better now!
by: Anonymous

thank you so much everyone for all your comments!! it has helped me more than anything!!! my son is 19 1/2 months and since new years eve he has not slept well....he has slept in his bed (except for the occasional sleeping with me and my husband) since he was like 3 months old...he slept all night and went to sleep on his on...just lay him down and turn him some soft music on! but new years eve that ALL changed....he screams like crazy if we even walk towards his room! its scary like that b/c i thought he was scared or hurt! i don't know how to fix it! i have been letting him lay with us some...and work with him at nap time to sleep in there by himself....he will fall asleep with me or my husband but the second we walk in his room he goes crazy!! im praying that this phase ends soon! thanks so much for all the encouragement!!

Feb 16, 2011

Help!
by: Anonymous

My daughter has never slept through the night. most the time since she was a year old she sleeps in her crib after she is already asleep and when she wakes up she comes in the bed with my husband and me. She is 18 months old and i have two other children 6 and 3. For the last 2 nights she wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs for over 10 minutes. She doesn't want to be held but then again she does. She doesn't want her milk she just screams and then wines and back to screaming till she falls asleep. And after she finally falls asleep i have to keep her in my arms all night. I don't nor have i ever left her in her crib to cry it out, but should I??? what to do??

Feb 16, 2011

Teething Can Cause Sleep Issues
by: Anonymous

Is it possible she is getting her molars in? This can be very painful and she may be expressing the pain the only way she knows how.

Feb 16, 2011

to the lady with the 18 month old screamer :)
by: Anonymous

I noticed you mentioned you have never let her cry it out. Good for you!!! We never did either and our daughter is 2 1/2. It can be a bit more work but the confidence and the trust they have with you is priceless. They cry because they need you and if she is screaming like that, it sounds like she needs you even more. This is a common age to develop fears and to have scary vivid dreams. An author I highly recommend is Dr. Sears. He has many books out including "Attachment Parenting". As a first time mum, I knew in my heart what to do and the instinct was strong but sometimes other people or books would contradict what I felt. They promise an easy way out to get your baby to sleep. Short term gain for a long term loss is a great possiblilty. This Dr sears was a life saver for me because he encourages you to follow your insticts and nurture and soothe you baby as when they need it. There is a website too where you can ask questions :askdrsears.com So hang in there and keep up the good mothering!!

Mar 10, 2011

16 mth old son- can I be TOO nurturing?
by: Caitlyn

When my son was 10-11 months old he refused to sleep in his own cot and in the throws of moving house etc he slept with us for a few weeks until we fully moved in. He refused his cot still and was in a toddler bed by 12 months old but his toddler bed has been situated beside our bed in our room until now. he's now 16 months old and seeing as he sleeps all through the night and in his own bed we've just recently moved him into his own room as I'm expecting in a couple of weeks!!! He doesn't go to sleep on his own... he will scream for hours so we let him fall asleep on his own in the loungeroom with us then we take him upstairs to his bed, only to be awoken at 3am but once he cries I bring him into our bed for the remainder of the morning.

Have I possibly been TOO nurturing or babying my son and that's why he can't deal with bed without me?

I'm so tempted to just put his toddler bed back into our room while the new baby sleeps in his bassinet beside me and then wrk it out later on. Needless to say... my first son's clingyness started as soon as I started showing a bit of bump cos of ds2. What should I do?

Mar 11, 2011

to last comment - 16 month old son, new baby on the way.
by: Anonymous

Whatever you do, dont make him sleep on his own if he screams. Let him have the security of knowing youre there for as long as he needs you. He will grow out of it. TRUST ME!

My daughter always needed me close by as well until several months ago when it became less and less. Now, most nights she is totally secure, knowing I'm in the room next door. Your son will trust you more and not feel issues with being forced into something. He will be more likely to have a positive attitude towards bedtime in general for the rest of his life.

I highly recommend the book "Attachment Parenting" by Dr Sears. You can also go to the website, askdrsears.com. So helpful! Be assured that you have not babied him too much because remember, he is infact a baby :) 16 months is still so small in the grand scheme of things.

I think it would work well to get adjusted to the new baby, and he'll feel more apart of things if he is still in the room and not pushed aside for the new baby to take his place (from his perspective)

Keep up the great work! Remember, the more of an attachemnt, the healthier in the long run :)
Best wishes!!

Tasha

Comment by EasyBabyLife Thank you for the book tip. Here is a link to the book and I agree; it is very good! The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby (Link to Amazon where you can read reviews of the book.)

Mar 26, 2011

Never Sleep Again
by: Anonymous

I have five children. You may never sleep again.

My older ones sneak on spacebook, the middle one is afraid of the dark, and the toddlers are up every two hours.

I know you want to believe the sleep problems are a phase but for us they never go away. I think from birth to age five I have a child in my bed.

Humans are forced to train their children against nature! We are the only mammals that do not follow our natural instincts to nuture our children. In severe case where they wouldn't sleep for weeks (while I started seeing mailboxes as men in black hats), I gave them milk with L-tryptophan from a whole foods source. The name sounds scary but is in fact natural in turkey and added to most baby formulas. http://greerink.com/pages/l-tryptophan.html for info. I hope you all sleep! I'm about to give them a trip to dreamland.

Aug 23, 2011

help! 18 month old won't sleep
by: Anonymous

I have an 18 month old who has not slept through the night since about 13 months. We rock her to sleep but when she wakes 2-3 times during the night she screams bloody murder. I pick her up out of crib and rock her back down which usually takes about 20 minutes. If I were to leave her in her crib, things would spiral out of control. She obviously needs to know how to put herself to sleep, but how?

We tried the Ferber crying it out for 4 days, but we were all a mess. She cried for 2 straight hours and I then found her barely asleep sitting up in her crib. The poor this was exhausted and I stopped b/c I didn't feel she was benefiting from it... rather she appeared worse.

I am debating getting a softer mattress or trying the toddler bed or mattress on the floor.

We need to sleep! Please send some advice! Thank you.

Sep 22, 2011

My 3 year old won't sleep on his own or in his own room anymore
by: R.P.

WOW..... up until 4 weeks ago, our 3 year old boy used to sleep on his own. He was still in his crib. He used to wake up screaming like a mad child and then we would have to put him in bed with us becuase he wouldn't go back to bed on his own. This last only for 5 minutes and then we'd put him back in bed with no issues at all.

Last week was the start of him having to stay in our bed once he woke up. This week we put him in his own big boy bed thinking it may change his new habit. Now he won't go to sleep period unless we lay with him in our bed and now he stay s in it all night long.

We can't let him scream it out. We tried that and he screamed from 2:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. NON-STOP. I'm not exaggerating.

That nanny show say walk the child back to the room. We tried this as well. How can you fight back with a 3 year old when his is screaming and thrashing on the floor. It's dead impossible and due to editing on the show they make it look easy. It's not easy - it's impossible in our case.

I think we are resigned to the fact that we officially lost control of our bed and must accept it becuase we've tried quite a few things and it's not working.

Best of luck to all of you. Just throw in the towel and adjust your own habits. I already threw in my towel. I give up and you can call it a TKO in the 12th round.

Sep 26, 2011

Toddler has started sleeping alone again!
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to add something to this thread as I have been trailing the internet looking for answers for the last couple of months and just wanted to try and help someone else in the same sort of position.

My now 19month old has always been a n excellent sleeper, sleeping a good 12 hours straight from since he was around 5 months old.

When he was around 17 1/2 months he suddenly started crying when I said goodnight and tried to go out of the room. I stayed with him until he fell asleep thinking it would be a one off but that night he woke several times and would only settle if I or his Dad were in the room with him.

For weeks we tried different things, brought him into our bed even though I didnt want to get him into the habit of it so I stopped that. I made a makeshift bed on a mattress on the floor next to his cot and when he woke up during the night would end up sleeping the rest of the night in there. We tried a couple of times to let him settle himself but his crying got so bad and he wouldnt even lie down to give himself a chance to fall asleep. He was hysterical but as soon as we just walked into the room he would lie down and go to sleep.

I kept looking on the internet for advice or suggestions as we didnt know if staying with him all the time was undoing all the good work of him originally sleeping alone.

For the past few weeks we had resigned ourselves to just accepting this was the way we would have to do things until he would hopefully come out of it. occasionally he slept through the night but most nights he woke atleast once at a different time during the night.

It has been 9 weeks of it and a few days ago I was in his room waiting for him to go to sleep for his afternoon nap, he was really messing about so I said "this isnt funny now, Mommy is going you have to go to sleep" I walked out of the room waiting for him to start crying, but he didnt. I sat outside his room and when he said "mommeee" I told him to lie down and go to sleep. Eventually he went off all by himself without anyone else in the room, I left his door open a jar until I was certain he had gone to sleep and then closed it gently and he slept lovely for his whole 2hour nap.

We did the same that evening and as I say it has been a few days now and he is even waving and sayin "bye mommy"!

I just wanted to write something to hopefully give any other parents a bit of hope if they have been going through the same thing and thinking it will never end! IT WILL!

Stick with whatever you are doing to help them and aslong as they arent relying on you doing anything physical to help them fall to sleep they will soon remember that it is fine to fall asleep agin without you right there!

Oct 18, 2011

Thrashing and Screaming Toddler
by: Anonymous

I agree...the suggestions on Supernanny, Ferber, and Sears are not realistic.

My toddler can tantrum for 19 hours. We tried the CIO method. We tried backing the chair out a little at a time. We tried the bedtime routine... Sorry bathing and book wound my kid up!

I'm so guilty but lately will just give her a toy in the bed at 8:30pm, stay in the room, and talk to each other like she isn't there. She drifts off to sleep for the rest of the night. I hope she outgrows needed an outside source. For now we are able to sleep in our own bed.

Nov 07, 2011

18 Month Old Won't Go To Sleep Alone
by: Anonymous

Its nice to know its not just you isn't it. My son is also 18 months old. He has never been a great sleeper but these last few weeks have been a mare. He is great at going to sleep but its staying asleep. He stands at the cot calling for me and getting upset if I don't come. I always go in and rub his back and this sends him back to sleep. I often do this 2 or 3 times a night. Its hard work and last night was horrible but having reading everyone else's response I am of the opinion of it will pass and things will get better. I can't let him scream himself to sleep I know I will give in. Good luck everyone and buy extra matches to keep those eyes open during the day. x

Nov 19, 2011

18 month old sleep issues NEW
by: Boysmommy

I also have an 18 month old son who has been fighting sleep for the last 3 weeks or so. He normally is a great sleeper, with the exception of waking once at 4am every morning due to my husband leaving for work. I have spoke to my GP an he has reassured me that this "sleep regression" will soon pass! It is nice to know that I am not alone in this! With our 2nd son due in 4 months, I sure hope this gets straightened out! I also hope all you mommies are getting some sleep now too!

Dec 16, 2011

My god, this child will NOT let up!! NEW
by: Bonkers

My son is 21 months old and will scream and scream and scream for hours and refuses to go to sleep at night. I've been doing the same routine with him since he was around 10 months old. He has never been a good sleeper and it is driving me crazy. At one point, he would make himself throw up if the words "bedtime" or "night night time" were mentioned. He would not even be crying or upset. He would just up-chuck on cue and I for one, was stunned. How do kids do that? Anyway, he is crying as I am typing this. I am so tired all the time.

Our bedtime routine consists of:

1. Letting him know that bedtime will be in 20 minutes, then 10, then 5 and so on.

2. Giving him a drink of milk or water.

3. Brushing our teeth, which he LOVES.

4. Singing the ABC's to him.

5. Giving him his stuffed pig, kisses, hugs, saying goodnight one more time.

6. Lights out.

As soon as I shut the door he starts screaming so I tried leaving it open just a crack to let some dim light in so he wasn't feeling scared. That made things worse. What the hell am I doing wrong??!!! I tried crying it out. Nope. I tried going in to check on him every ten and twenty minutes to comfort him. Hell no, that just made him go into hysterics even more. I tried sitting next to his bed till he fell asleep and he cried when I did that, too! I just can't win with this child. I'm VERY consistent with him.

Dec 17, 2011

To last comment (my god, this child will not let up) NEW
by: Anonymous

My sympathies!! It's such a downward spiral because when they sense you are stressed out, they know it has become a negative experience which makes it worse. The key is to make bedtime a secure, positive experience where they know you are there if they need you. This will take some time to build his trust back up again :) If he has been left to cry, bedtime has become a time of intense stress, and possible fear for him.
I recommend a website called askdrsears.com.

Dr Sears is a wonderful author with great wisdom. He and his wife had 8 children and have written over 20 best sellers together! Hope this helps :)

Best wishes

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